First Haircut

Tuesday night I took Jesse for his first haircut. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I wasn't sure how Jesse would behave, I wasn't sure if I needed to know a hairstyle I wanted. I know, that seems silly. But if I was asked, "How would you like it cut?", I wouldn't have an answer.

I went home and picked him up and we headed over to my salon. BTW, my hairdresser does first haircuts for free. Score!

We go in and the place is buzzing with ladies, young and old, for cuts and colors. The smell of hair dye lingering in the air. The scent of a salon. Jesse is happy, we sit out front and wait for Regina to complete applying the dye to the woman in front of us. Alex comes over, she's the youngest hairdresser at the salon, she entertains Jesse until her Mom is ready for us. Regina practically announces that her "first haircut" is here! We sit him in the big chair on a booster without any belts to hold him down. Regina says, "Just the basic little boy cut?", "Yes, please." I bust out my pocket cam and away she goes. Her first 2 attempts to start get blocked, then he gave in and the hair begins to fall. I don't think I realized how badly he needed a cut until she started to cut. She even had a certificate for him with a spot for his cut hair.

Trying to block her.

I get to play with the water bottle.

The finished look.

2 weeks Post-Op

I am not going to sugar coat it, we've had a rough 2 weeks since surgery, but we seem to have reached a turning point this past weekend. We've had some pretty rough nights. Sleepless nights. We'd put Jesse to bed for the night around 8:30 (his normal bed time), then he would wake between 11:30 and midnight and think he was waking from a nap. So he would stay up for the next 3-4 hours. Paul would help as much as he could, but even if he was with Paul and crying, I could not get any sleep. I stopped giving him Tylenol 3 (tylenol with codeine) during the day on Monday and Wednesday night was his last dose before bed. By Friday I was at wits end and called Jesse's surgeons office and told them what we were going through. I was literally losing my mind from lack of sleep. I would only get to sleep from 10 or 10:30-12, then again from 3:30-6:30 or 7. That's an average of less than 5 hours a night. Yes, I've had insomnia my whole life, but being up for 3-4 hours in the middle of the night will kick your ass. The surgeons office told me that this is common. The anesthesia and narcotics can linger in the body for several weeks after surgery and they will cause sleeplessness. Plus just the surgery itself can and will cause a disruption in sleep habits and the codeine causes constipation. They told me to give it time, he should return back to normal soon. And he did. Friday night I put him down at the normal time with some plain generic dye free Tylenol. I switched to the dye free at the advise of a friend. I also gave him a small amount of Benedryl (also dye free) and started alternating with Motrin (dye free). WOW, what a difference. Friday night he slept a few hours and was up, took a bottle and some Motrin then went to bed. A few hours later, same thing, and again one more time. I was thankful that he was at least going back to bed. Saturday night went even better, he only woke up once around 3am, took a bottle and some Motrin and went back to bed. This has been the pattern since then, but this is a pattern I can handle. Yesterday he only had the Tylenol once during the day and then before bed. Paul's aunt was with him and she said it didn't seem like he needed it so she didn't give it to him after his morning dose. I think we've reached a turning point. The road to recovery seems a little brighter now. Unfortunately Paul's back on bedrest. We need to get him on the bighter road too.

I Can Breathe Now

Surgery went without a hitch. The doc says it was all a success. What a huge sigh of relief.

Wednesday was hard, very hard.

We got there about 6:30am, surgery was scheduled for 7:45. We got checked in. Got Jesse dressed in his hospital gown, went through all the procedural stuff, met with the surgeon, his ENT and the anesthesiologist. Everyone was wonderful. I felt confident leaving my boy in their capable hands. I opted out of the pre-surgical sedation for him because he was so calm when it was offered. Little did I know 30 minutes later he'd be screaming. He was probably just really hungry and tired. The doctor took him away right about 7:45. He was calm when they walked away with him. Otherwise I would have lot it right then and there. We left the pre-op room and headed back to the waiting room. I had to pee so I went in the bathroom. That's where I lost it. I regained my composure before stepping back out into the waiting room.

We decided to step outside and put some stuff in the car and run out for a quick breakfast since neither of us had anything to eat before we got there. We had some lovely fast food breakfast and headed back. Before too long the doc came to see us. She was done! Already! The surgery was estimated at 2.5 hours, and she was done in under 2 hours. They took me back first to see him, he was just waking up. They had me sit on the hospital bed and hold him. He fell asleep in my arms while the recovery nurses talked to me. In a little while they started to take us up to a room, when Paul met us on the way. We got to the room and got him settled in. They gave him morphine for pain. His IV was in his foot. He likes to kick, especially when he's upset. Not a good match there. It was a very long afternoon. It's not easy looking at your child and knowing he's in pain. It just breaks your heart. When the pain meds wore off, it was very obvious. We couldn't make a sound, every little noise woke him up. I spent the night, there wasn't enough room for both of us to stay and Paul needed to take care of his back and sleep in our good bed at home.

The next morning Jesse was off the morphine. He took a few ounces of formula and some apple sauce and his doctor came in to check on him. She asked if he ate, she checked him out then asked if we wanted to go home. I was SO shocked! Yes! Lets go home. Around 10:30am we were on our way home. Amazing.

We all napped once we got home. The past 30 hours or so were pretty hard on all of us. I could tell Jesse was happy to be home. By Friday he was playing, smiling, starting to get back to his old self. Even now he still is in pain, I can tell. Especially in the morning and in the middle of the night, but it's not too bad. Considering the amount of stitches in his mouth, he's doing amazingly well. He's not eating a lot, but he is eating. I am sure he's losing some weight. But we will get past this. The hard part is over... I can breathe now.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is surgery day. My eyes fill up with tears every so often, but a tear hasn't fallen. I don't think it's the surgery itself that bothers me so much but the thought of him waking up in pain and looking at me and not understanding why. I guess I don't really have much more to say. The next blog will be post surgery, sitting in a room at the hospital, hearing the beeps of the monitors and my little guy lying in the crib next to me.

100 Posts

I just realized that my last post was the 100th post. I guess when I started this, I didn't realize I had so much to talk about.

Surgery is in 2 days. I need to start making a list of things I need to bring. I need to clean house so when we come home from the hospital, I am not coming home to a filthy disaster. If I could make a freezer meal that would be even better. Yes, I should have done all this over the weekend, but I didn't. I didn't feel like doing anything, so I didn't. I feel like a lot of life has been sucked out of me. I have no energy at all. I almost feel like my body has gone into survival mode saving the energy because I will be using a lot of it in a few days for several weeks. I've been through this before and I switch modes when I need to. I switch from mother/wife to advocate. I do what needs to be done. I am the glue that will keep this together. I can do this. I was born to do this.

For some reason the word "surgery" above appears to be spelled wrong to me, but it's not.

One Week

The other day I started a blog about the big snow storm, the "Blizzard of 2011".... but after a paragraph, I realized that I wasn't really focused on what I was writing and like 15 other states experienced what we did. Since I had 2 days off due to the blizzard, I did get to make lots of yummy food and spend some much needed time with my son. So I am thankful for the "Blizzard of 2011". Life returned back to normal for most people within 36 hours.

The "Snow Day" chocolate crinkles I made.


Today I got a call from the Admissions department at the hospital. They were calling to ask some pre-op information about Jesse. The woman on the phone was very kind and had a nice comforting voice. I suppose that's key in a job like that. The second I hung up the phone it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's really happening, and it will be happening a week from today. This time next week I will be in a hospital, sitting in that same waiting area where I have sat before.... too many times before. It breaks my heart and we aren't even there yet.

I know this is the right thing to do, he needs this surgery. More than most people even know. Sure, he could survive without surgery, but with lifelong issues. It's best to just get it done now and move on with life.

Sure it's not heart surgery or brain surgery, but it is surgery. I know there are many parents out there that go through so much more and honestly, I don't know how they do it. I guess you have to have faith, and a lot of it. The worst part of all this will be the waiting room. Anxiously waiting for his surgeon to come through the door, take us into that small room and tell us the surgery was a success. I am not positive how long I will be in that room, probably about 4 hours. Give or take. If I remember correctly, she told us surgery was 4 hours. Not sure if that time is start to finish or if time is added on for prep and recovery. I will ask again when we see her prior to surgery. When he's in recovery, one of us will be able to see him. Last time it was me. Paul believes a child should be with his mother at times like this. I have to agree, but part of that is selfishness. He will be waking up during this time. When they feel he is ready, they will move him to a room in the pediatrics department where we will stay at least 24 hours. Maybe 36 or 48, depending on how he's doing. He will have IV's. He will be fed through his IV for a little while. He will also get pain meds through the IV (morphine, I think). When we get home on Thursday or Friday we will have Tylenol 3 to manage his pain. That's what we had when he had lip surgery and I believe we only used it for a few days. I really don't know what to expect once we get home. Just hoping he heals quickly and gets back to his smiley self in no time.

Randomness

I had a fantastic weekend, I didn't even do all that much. But the simplicity is what was so good. Friday I had a friend over. I told her we weren't doing much but she was looking forward to a "chill" night. We laughed, a lot. It was good. I needed it.

Saturday we got up just like any other Saturday, got a few things done. Sent Jesse for his mid-day nap and I was able to get some things done, like a run to the bank to deposit paychecks. I get back and able to rest for a bit then Jesse awakens. Play date! I guess this would technically be our first play date. We pack up and go to Shari's.

Shari has been one of my "best friends" for about 14 years now. We've had our ups and downs, but really in the last 7 or 8 years she's been a sister to me. We may not be bound by blood but she truely is my sister. My definition of sister is what goes beyond just being a "best friend", which is a term I am not very fond of anyway. We are alike but different. We have something to talk about no matter what.

Years ago I wasn't sure this day would ever come, the day where our kids would be playing together and we'd be in the kitchen drinking bloody mary's and laughing. But the day has finally come and I am thankful for it. When I got married my Mom made these photo matts for people to write on. Those photos hang in my hallway and I read them all the time. Shari wrote "I can't wait to see our kids grow up together." Well, it's finally happening and I love it. Her son is 9 months older than Jesse... but now that he's mobile, they actually played well together. My only regret, forgetting the camera. But I have the pictures, they just can't be shared like the ones I take with my camera. I have been slacking a lot in the camera department, but I think it's because I am just soaking it in and keeping it to myself.

The rest of the weekend we watched mostly the X-Games. I love watching all the crazy tricks and jumps, but it made me miss our annual ski trip. It didn't happen last year or this year because of Paul's back. Maybe next year, even if it is only for a weekend in Wisconsin. I am glad I was able to hit the mountains of Utah once. Seems like it was just a few years ago but it was in 2002, 9 years ago!

Speaking of snow. The weathermen are predicting the worst snowstorm of the midwest since 1967. There's a blizzard watch for the entire Chicagoland area. In my area we are looking at 18-30 inches of snow, 50mph winds and 5-10 foot snow drifts. Eeek! Paul wants to be prepared and is running out today for rations. Well, just meat. We are running low but we won't starve to death or anything. We have Paul's truck fixed, so if I/we do need to go anywhere, at least we have a safe vehicle to do it in. My car is not a 4x4, need tired desperately and is RWD. Paul's is much safer for snow driving. I am not banking that my office will closed, but I wouldn't mind a snow day.... or two. Hee hee. We shall see. Sometimes they say things like this and we got 6 inches.