Getting It Together

I think I got over my Grinch-like feelings. Mostly at least. I've started the Christmas shopping and I am about 75% done. Getting a few more things on my lunch break today. I still don't know what to buy for the husband, he hasn't given me any ideas.

This weekend I am baking cookies, seeing Santa and wrapping gifts. Getting my shit together. It's about time.

Bah-Humbug

This is likely going to be a negetive post, so if you don't want to hear my negetivity, just stop reading now.

 

I am not in the Christmas spirit. At all. This is not me. I usually love it. I think I am stressed and a little depressed this time around. Why? There are so many factors going on here, it's not even funny.

 

Christmas is 10 days away and I have not yet bought a single gift. I go to a store, then walk around aimlessly and walk out the door with nothing. My Christmas spirit is gone. I think I have begun to loathe the fact that Christmas is about gifts. There's nothing I want for Christmas. There are a few things I need, but all are over $100 and it's just rediculous of me to expect someon to get me anything over $100. If you asked me what my favorite Christmas gift of all time was, I could not give you an answer. My Christmas memories are not of gifts, but of good times with my family. Memories of finding a surprise in my shoes on St. Nick Day (and the excitement had absolutely nothing to do with what was actually left in my shoes). Memories of hearing bells outside and a jolly old man coming to the door (later I learned it was the neighbor guy from across the street). Watching my Mother prepare the Christmas feast and having all my aunts and uncles and cousins come over to eat the glorious feast. Memories of my Uncle John reading the Night Before Christmas while the adults sip their cocktails and the kids sit on the floor in front of him. THAT is what Christmas is to me.

 

This year I have been told what to do. Here are some examples.

• "Tell me what you want for Christmas." Money to pay the bills. Next.
• "What does Jesse want for Christmas?" Um, he can't even talk. He'd probably be happy with a bottle of Ranch dressing.
• "You are assigned to make peanut butter cookies for Christmas because last year there were duplicates." Are you freaking serious? I have been assigned a cookie? And peanut butter cookies? Those aren't even a Christmas cookie. I have an arsenal of Christmas cookies and you "assign" me peanut butter cookies? WTF?
• "We are starting the festivities at 1pm." Awesome, that's right at nap time. Didn't we learn our lesson at Thanksgiving?
• "Just get my kids a gift card." Ok, great idea, so this holiday is about gifts, but I am not even giving them a gift to open? Perfect. This is essentually just giving money away. How fun.

I suppose I could go on, but what's the point. This paints a picture already, does it not?

There are so many things I want to do. But I just don't have the motivation to do anything and no money to even do it. My goal here is to get all this off my chest and get going on some things, even if it's just cutting snowflakes out of copy paper.

Proud Momma

At the beginning of November, I posted a blog called Communication Breakdown. Jesse has made so much progress since that post! At Thanksgiving, he learned "sit down", go figure. He also learned help, stuck, milk (not mo), nigh-nigh, mine, and probably some other words that are not coming to mind right now. I am a very proud mother, he's doing so well!

Over the weekend something magical happened. Well, maybe not quite magical, but special. Jesse was playing with one of the tools we use to teach him to blow, a whistle, and he blew in it! I was so overwhelmed with joy that I even got teary, but didn't cry. He repeated this feat again by blowing in the harmonica! It's not a very strong blow, but it's a blow! He knows how to do it and he's getting results by the sounds the whistle and harmonica make.

This makes me realize how a simple task for some kids is a huge milestone for others. I wanted to tell the world... Jesse can blow! But to most people, that means nothing. Even people we know. I'd have to explain, so that just takes the fun and excitement out of it. I did share with a few people who would get it, and that was good enough for me.

Thanksgiving

First, a Paul update:
We went to the doctor on Wednesday. Basically the doctor told us there's nothing more he can do for Paul and changed his work status to light duty with restrictions. The doctor also referred him to a pain clinic. His employer should get notice sometime this week, then if they can accomodate his restrictions, Paul will get a certified letter with a position offer. I am anxious about this. I honestly don't know which way this will go. There are both positives and negetives in him going back to work and not going back to work.

I had a very negetive attitude about Thanksgiving this year. Specifically about how things would work out with Jesse, since dinner was scheduled in the middle of naptime and we were traveling an hour to get there. He did sleep in the car, which was what I'd hoped for. But I was also hoping it would be more than a half hour. It wasn't too bad if you set aside chasing him around like a little tornado and the other kids not wanting to play with him. We all got to eat dinner and skated out of there when he got out of hand. We were the first to leave, but at least it was after desert.

Saturday we planned another "Thanksgiving" with my family. Just Mom & Dad, Sis & BIL and their kids. It was nice and relaxing, timed after naps. Everything was going great, dinner got served, we were all enjoying ourselves, then Mom goes, "since we have you all here...", uh oh!

Mom announced that her and Dad are moving, likely to Alabama. They are putting their condo on the market, Mom's quitting her job and will start to get Social Security after her birthday, then Dad will get it after his birthday in October. The cost of living here is too high for them, my Mom is working a low paying job and my Dad is unemployed working odd jobs just to make ends meet. Their mortgage is their biggest expense and they can live elsewhere for much less money. Plus they want to do some "living" before they are unable to. I understand, but honestly, I am completely crushed. I feel like a baby, but in reality, I have never been this far away from my parents for more than a few weeks. I never went away to college, I never traveled for more than a couple weeks, neither have they. It's not like I'll still be able to just call my Dad and have him pop over. I guess I need to learn how to be even more independent from them, which isn't such a bad thing. They won't be around forever. I thought they'd wait until their grandkids were a little older. I had a special relationship with my Grandmother that most kids don't have. She lived with us, so she was always there. It breaks my heart knowing Jesse won't have that with my parents. For the record... I do not want them to live with me, but a few towns over is nice.

I'll get over it, just that initial shock is a tough one.