Tuesday, November 23, 2010


This is a reminder to myself that I absolutely MUST bust out the camera this weekend. Especially to Thanksgiving. I have been so wrapped up in making sure Jesse has everything he needs for an outing and making sure I have everything in the diaper bag, that I completely forget a CAMERA! And not the cheap little pocket camera, I need to remember to bring the good camera. It's Jesse's first Thanksgiving. It must be documented. I'd also like to capture the day as well. The food, the family, the love.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Short Work Week

It's gonna be a good week, I hope!
Full day of work today. Tomorrow we are volunteering the the soup kitchen from 10-2, then back to work. Wednesday, half day (and I get a much needed haircut). Thursday is Thanksgiving, yipee! No work Friday then the official weekend. I have lots of things I want to do, hopefully I can get a few of them done. Some are more fun than others, hopefully I can get a good mix in. A few fun things and a few needed things. One of the need to do's is cleaning the carpets. I borrowed a friends Bissell in hopes it will do a good job so we don't have to pay professionals to come in and do it. There are some crafty projects I have in my head, one is the hoodie I am making for myself. I was going to do it yesterday, but it just never happened. There's a little project I'd like to do with Jesse, but I am not revealing yet because it will end up being a Christmas gift. I want to make 2, one for me and one for a gift.
My Mom was always a crafty lady. I hope Jesse and I can make stuff too, although it might be more limited with a boy. It's not like we can make jars of fairy dust or anything, lol. Speaking of jars, I'd like to find something fun to do with baby food jars. They have been accumulating. Paul and I are thinking of putting spices in them and velcroing them to the spice cabinet door. We need to put more thought into this so it has functionality.
Back to work now... well, it's almost lunch time, I have some shopping to do at Target.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


It's that time of year where people think about what they are thankful for. So I am dedicating this blog to that. Since I became a mother, my perspecives have changed, my priorities have changed.

I am thankful for my family. Not my extended family, but the family I got 7 and a half months ago. Before Jesse I never called Paul and I a family, we were a couple, with a dog, snake and a fish. Now we are our own family. Just the word in itself means more to me. Paul and I have a new love between each other and that new love is named Jesse. The bond between us has changed. We have this little person that we made.

I am thankful that Jesse is doing extremely well. In the past few months he's finally been putting on good weight, in fact, he's been exceeding expectations. His development is in the 75th percentile. Before his surgery he was in the 25th percentile. I guess he was having a hard time sucking. At 4 months he started cereal and fruit, which also made a world of difference in his development. He's my little angel, the love of my life. His smile is priceless to me, even if it is a little crooked. Despite our challenges, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And to think, a few years back I wasn't even 100% that I wanted to become a mother, but now I know this was meant to be.

I am thankful that Paul's recovering from surgery. It's a long road, but at least it's a road we are walking down. Literally walking. I never appreciated the ability to walk until now.

I am thankful we still have a roof over our heads, heat to keep us warm and food in our bellies. This has been rough with the drastic decrease in income, but we still manage to make the ends meet financially. We've had moments that were quite scary, but somehow we were able to do what we needed to do... even if it was at the last possible second.

I am thankful for my family, the people I grew up around this time. My mother and father, sister, aunts, brother in law, etc. They have been an amazing support to us. Through the birth of Jesse, through Jesse's first surgery, through financial troubles, through Paul's pain and surgeries. They really stepped up when others didn't and I don't know how I can ever repay them. Not that they would even expect it. They are totally good like that. I hope I am able to help if any of them are ever in need.

I am thankful for my friends. Not just that I have them, but I am thankful that the negetive ones are disappearing, that old friends are blossoming and for the new friends I have made. Amazing how my life's changes have changed the people around who I have around me. Before Jesse was born I had my "regular" group of friends. After he was born there was an obvious shift. Obvious to me at least. A few friends made some steps back, it surprised me at first, because these were the people I was closest with. Some unexpected people came to light. Then there are the totally new friends that I am still developing relationships with, other Mom's. People I had nothing in common with until I gave birth. The changes aren't bad, in fact, I am pretty cool with it. The people who are currently a big part of my life are the ones that are good for me to have in my life right now.

I am sure there's more to be thankful for. I will probably make a part 2 before Thanksgiving. I am really looking forward to the holiday this year. We will be spending time with the family members mentioned above and I can't wait. There's so much love there and these people are pretty special to me. Paul and I usually alternate Thanksgiving with my family and his. This year was supposed to be with his family, but he won't be able to make the trip to his aunt's. I am glad we are spending this holiday with my family because I need that recharge that only they can give me. The holiday with Paul's family wouldn't be bad, and I am sure Paul wants to spend time with them, but I need this.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


I guess this is a reminder for myself. I have been questioning a lot of friendships lately (with good reason). Not just since Paul's surgery, but since I had the baby too. You really see people's true colors in times like these. Some good, some bad. But I am thankful I am aware of this.

A true friend doesn't care when you're broke, what you weigh, if your house is a mess, about your past, or if your family is filled with crazies. They love you for who you are. A true friend can go long periods of time without speaking to you & never question the friendship. They understand your life & circumstances.

On another note... I read a blog today, a blog I read pretty regularly. She talked about gray days and what brings you color. I have had so many gray days lately.... but what brings me color is the smile from my sweet little boy. Spending as much time with him as possible, even if it means keeping him up a little later at night and waking him up in the morning. He'll make up that sleep when he naps during the day which I am sure his daycare provider will appreciate. Another thing that brings me color is realizing that these events in my life will make me a better, wiser person. A better wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter. I was meant to do this. This is sculpting me into my future me, the person I need to be to be able to handle my future challenges. When Jesse's next surgery comes around, it should be a piece of cake, right?

Just one more thing. I voted on Tuesday. I take pride in it and as inconvenient as it was, I still managed to take 15 minutes out of my life to go and just do it. Paul and I don't agree when it comes to politics. He was unable to vote (because he forgot to get a mail in ballot), so for once, our votes didn't cancel each other out. Ha!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


As I've said before this is rough. I miss my best friend. He's just not the man I know. Which is understandable. He's not even able to do the things that make him Paul. I have to be patient. I have no other choice. The drugs mess with his head. The pain messes with his head and not being able to do anything, or leave the house or do the things that make him feel like a man messes with his head.

I do what I can. But there's really nothing I can do for him. I pretend that things don't bother me when I am in front of him. Or in front of Jesse. Or in front of my co-workers, friends, family, everyone really. I am only alone in my car and sometimes at work. And when I am alone it hits me hard. People say they understand, but most don't. I have one friend who does. But she also doesn't want to re-live her experience through me. But she listens. I feel very alone. The people who were an important part of my life before seem to be fading into the distance, while others are coming into the light.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.