As I've said before this is rough. I miss my best friend. He's just not the man I know. Which is understandable. He's not even able to do the things that make him Paul. I have to be patient. I have no other choice. The drugs mess with his head. The pain messes with his head and not being able to do anything, or leave the house or do the things that make him feel like a man messes with his head.
I do what I can. But there's really nothing I can do for him. I pretend that things don't bother me when I am in front of him. Or in front of Jesse. Or in front of my co-workers, friends, family, everyone really. I am only alone in my car and sometimes at work. And when I am alone it hits me hard. People say they understand, but most don't. I have one friend who does. But she also doesn't want to re-live her experience through me. But she listens. I feel very alone. The people who were an important part of my life before seem to be fading into the distance, while others are coming into the light.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.