Friday, July 29, 2011

2 Birthdays and an Anniversary

That time of year again. I'm a year older, so is Paul and we've been married for 6 years now. I honestly can't even believe it's been six years. Six years of marriage PLUS 6 years dating, 12 years total. Wow. 12 years?!? I can't believe I have been able to put up with him for this long! I kid, of course. Every year that goes by just confirms more and more that we were meant to be together. Think about it, if we weren't meant to be together, I probably wouldn't like him much after 12 years. But I love him. I can no longer say I love him with all my heart because Jesse stole most of my heart. But I do love Paul a whole bunch. How's that?

This past weekend we got the hell out of town. Much needed. We headed south then had to come back for the gig. Yes, Paul played a gig, just 3 songs, but it's the start of something new and awesome. He joined a band, with some friends of the past. They are good guys and I am excited about this too! Paul played only a few song because it was the old bassists last gig, so of course he got the spotlight, which he deserved. We had a blast! Then headed down to resume our vacation. It was a late night! We got up the next day and headed to the river for a day of boating. I made it on my boat, for the first time this year! Jesse is much too little to boat on the river. There's not really much sun relief and no where to really stop, so I usually stay home with him while Paul goes with his buddies. Speaking of, my parents took Jesse for the weekend. First time. Paul's watched Jesse overnight here and there, but I have never been away from my little boy this long. It was weird. Dad picked him up on Friday morning and dropped him off Monday morning, but I didn't even get to see him until Monday night (since I was at work). I will say, it was nice to be "off duty" for a few days.

We spent both Saturday and Sunday on the boat on the river. It was nice, even though Saturday was damn hot! We went out to dinner Saturday night, even though it was Paul's birthday on Saturday, we pretty much celebrated both our birthdays and anniversary that night. We went to a local place, I am guessing it's the place to go when you are going out to dinner in this town because there's not much else around. It was an old farm that was converted to the restaurant. Cool place. Good food. I did have to laugh at the changing station in the ladies room, it's got to be at least 30 years old. I even took a picture with my camera.

Back to a regular weekend. I don't mind, I get to spend it with my little boy.

For some reason I can't upload the pics today. I will try again later.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

At least he's still alive...

These words have been ringing in my head for the past 2 hours. At least he's still alive.I wish I had a more positive blog to write, but I don't. Everytime I go to write a positive blog, seems like something bad happens and takes over the thoughts in my head.

I went out of town over the weekend (hopefully I can blog about that later). The first day I was gone I get a text from BIL.  T got arrested again for trying to pawn stolen property. He was high on heroin. Great.

My cousin has an addiction. It started with pot, then opiates and now he's hooked on heroin. I have known for about a year and 8 months about his heroin addiction. His mother came to me because he needed help and when I talked to him, he confided in me and told me what he was up to. Since then I have not really known how to help him except by encouragement to quit, telling him I am here for him and preaching to him about how it's a bad drug and usually leads to death, my husband has lost many friends to it. I am no doctor or therapist, but I do what I can. I've helped distract him by encouraging him to pursue his music, that music is a much better addiction then drugs. I have told him he can come to me if he needs someone to talk to. I told him he can also confide in Paul. But a drug addiction is a disease. He's told me doesn't want to be an addict, but it's in his brain and this isn't something you can just will your way away from, he needs medical treatment, he needs rehab in a major way or he will die.

Today I was feeding my own addiction.... to facebook and I get an IM from my aunt.

Aunt: Shot in the dark, have you heard from T?
Me: No
Me: When was the last time you heard from him?
Aunt: About a week.
Me: I heard something. I heard he got arrested.
Aunt: When?
Me: I heard it on Friday, that he got arrested for pawning stolen property.
Aunt: Call me.

So I did about 15 minutes later when I was on my lunch break. My information helped her connect the dots and she made some calls. I guess he got arrested again last night for posession of a controlled substance and is in the city's county jail, not a good place. That's when I said, at least he's still alive. I made my aunt cry. But it's true. If he's in jail he's not on the streets shooting up. If he's in jail he's not going to die from heroin.

I told her some things she already knows. Her son needs help. He needs rehab. She's concerned about what people think of her and her family. She thinks she's a bad parent. She thinks she's screwed up. I explained that stuff isn't important right now. What's important is getting T better. That this happens all the time to all kinds of people. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, have a stable household or come from a family of addicts. Sometimes people take a bad path and get hooked and can't find their way back, either mentally or physically. I promised her I would not gossip about her son or her family and I told her that I love them and respect them and I wouldn't do that to them.

People will find out at some point, but it won't be from my lips. I am better than that. I wouldn't do that to people I love, even if they have chosen bad paths. They are still family and they have never wronged me, so I have no reason to disrespect them. Yes, I am blogging about it, but it's what's in my head today. Plus, I am 99% sure none of my family even knows I have a blog. I have no readers anyway.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Last Thursday, shortly after my post reflecting on the day, I got news, bad news. Paul called me and told me our friend Geri died. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it was true. Geri was special to Paul. She'd helped him get through a lot of bad shit in the past few years. Everything with his medical problems and with Jesse's. She was his "Mom friend". She was also the person that would hang out with him during the day when he'd be going crazy sitting at home. Over time she bacame my friend as well. She was a wonderful and amazing woman and she will live in my heart forever.

Tonight is the wake, tomorrow is the funeral. I hope I can be at the funeral with Paul, but not sure if I can get out of work to be there.