And the shit hits the fan once again

This one is a Paul update. Monday afternoon Paul gets a call from our attorney. He got the IME Report (Independent Medical Evaluation). This doctor, who only saw Paul for a few minutes, decided Paul needs a more extensive decompression surgery (the microdiscectomy that Paul had back in January) and is able to go back to work. So of course work comp is siding with this doctor and Paul has been cut off from WC benefits (meaning his paycheck) as of Monday. He will only get paid if he goes to work, then benefits will resume once he has the decompression surgery. Lovely. Paul's has been in more pain than ever in these past 2 weeks.

So the attorney advises him to call his employer to confirm they have a light duty position available for him where he can stand up every 30-40 minutes. They do. He can come in and be the receptionist in Carol Stream. Mind you Carol Stream is over 25 miles away. In rush hour traffic it will take him at least an hour to get there. That in itself is against doctors orders. Then he's on pain medication (Norco 750mg, 2 every 4 hours). So if he drives on this medication, that's driving under the influence of a narcotic. Then he has to work. One of the warnings of Norco is not to do any activities that require him to be awake and alert. I do believe that driving and being a receptionist both require him to be awake and alert. He's not supposed to bend either, I do believe that when he passes out on the desk from the 2 Norco pills that violates doctors orders too, bending and sitting. I have explained all this to the attorney, I guess it doesn't matter to WC. Theoretically he can stop on his commute, take a taxi or not take the medications. As if that is reasonable.

So Paul saw his surgeon today. He recommends a double bone fusion for Paul and is very confident it will make Paul pain free and resolve the problem. Dr. K REFUSES to do the decompression surgery again, because to him it is pointless and it will actually make Paul's back unstable. Then Paul will just need the fusion anyway. Dr. K is sending a letter to WC explaining all this and gave Paul a Work Status Report stating he should not be working at all. So one would think WC would rather pay for 1 surgery rather than 2. But I think we know now they do not think logically. They just look at the immediate cost.

So then aside from what Dr. K thinks, the IME Report has so many inconsistancies. First of all, it states 2 MRI's done in 5/2001. Paul did not have any MRI's in 2001. He's never had any MRI's prior to this injury. Then he states that Paul denies any back pain. That's bullshit. Paul has contant back pain in addition to the nerve pain down his leg and sure as hell didn't"deny" it. Later in the report this doctor stated that Paul had mild back pain. Wait, is it no pain or mild pain? NEITHER! It's a lot of pain! Then the doctor states Paul rated his pain 6/10. Paul recalls telling this doctor he was an 8-9/10. Oh and after waiting over 3 hours in the waiting room to see this doctor he gave Paul about an 8 minute exam. Of course he was in severe pain, he had been sitting in a waiting room for 3+ hours. And this doctor must know what's right for Paul from his 8 minutes and Dr. K must know nothing after treating him every 3 weeks for the past year. So now we fight. Awesome.

Jesse Update

So yesterday we went for a follow up appointment with Jesse's plastic surgeon. First the weigh in: 14lbs 14oz. When we went to the Pediatrician 2 weeks ago he was 13lbs 8oz, so basically a pound and a half in 2 weeks! And the PS weighs w/out a diaper and the Pedi does it with a clean diaper. Crazy. I guess the cereal is helping with his weight gain!

The PS said he is healing nicely and we can start massaging the scar tissue. This will make the scar tissue softer so it won't be as noticable.

I asked about the palate surgery and she said after the new year but before his birthday. I can't imagine she would do it RIGHT before his birthday so I imagine that will happen in January or February, which is good for me since I will get my vacation days with the new year.

The cereal went good for the first 3 days, then didn't go so well. Part of the reason was because Paul's parents watched him on Friday night and Saturday, so his eating pattern got disrupted. So I tried getting back on track Sunday and Monday but he wasn't taking it. Monday I think he was just too hungry and wanted instant gratification, which cereal off a spoon wasn't giving him. He wouldn't take it so I ended up just throwing it in the bottle. My doc doesn't recommend it, but hell, people have been doing it for years and it beats feeding him 12oz.

So yesterday he took a couple bites of cereal with no trouble then all of a sudden wasn't interested. So I grabbed the Gerber bananas and mixed them in. Low and behold, he liked the cereal again. I was told I could introduce applesauce and bananas after a couple days of plain cereal. So be it.

Cereal

So I made cereal again last night, but this time I made it thicker. Jesse loved it and ate like a champ! I made 1tbsp with some formula, he ate it all so I had to make another batch and he ate that too and chased it with 5oz of formula. He had another 4oz bottle before bed, went down about 9:30 without a fight and slept through the night until about 6:30. Perfect!

Maybe I need more sleep

I've had an emotional day. Things around me sometimes make me think too much. It happened today. I have been teary almost all day. Someone I know had a baby. I am happy for them, but it also makes me remember that day in my life. A day that's supposed to be full of happiness and bliss wasn't for me. I was happy the day my son was born (after all the labor of course), but there were also a ton of other emotions going on that day. So much was going on in my head that I don't even know what I was feeling, I cried whenever I had some privacy, I didn't want anyone to know I was crying. When I started feeling this today, I reached out, to my friends and soon realized no one really understands.
So I contacted Bethany. Bethany is a mother I met on BabyCenter.com. She was in the April Birth Club with me, then in the Cleft group. Her little girl was born a few days after Jesse. Bethany was also unaware she would have a child born with a cleft. Ava's lip was more severe than Jesse's but she doesn't have a cleft palate like Jesse does. Jesse and Ava also had their lip surgeries the same day. So I talked to Bethany about my feelings and she told me she goes through the same thing. Thank God I am not alone. I was starting to feel selfish. I was told I need to get over it. I am happy that Jesse's lip and palate can be repaired, but there's more to it than that. He will most likely be effected by this most of his life, which breaks my heart. The fact that he has to have 2 surgeries in the first year of his life, also breaks my heart. Yes, it could have been worse, he could have been born with a more severe birth defect, a disease or some kind of syndrome, so I am thankful it's something that is somewhat minor. It also messes up my feelings about another child. I wonder if I got lucky the first time and I am just pressing my luck having another. Well, it's not like another child is something that would happen anytime soon anyway.

The name Jesse means Gift, and that's exactly what he is, my gift that I was lucky to get.

If at first you don't succeed

Well, I failed yesterday. I ate fast food. Not much of it, but indeed I had it for lunch. I needed something fast and cheap. All I can do is climb back on the horse and try again.

We attempted spoon feeding Jesse cereal last night. Not a total success, but not a failure either. I think I made it too runny, but I did what the package said. When he got frustrated I ended up just putting the remaining in the bottle. I will try again tonight, a little thicker. Paul took pictures but have not uploaded them yet.

Some changes need to be made

Well, I know I need to lose this baby weight. I just don't have the inspiration to do it. I don't think my pregnancy cravings have subsided yet. It's been 4 months, you'd think I could get back to normal by now. No, of course I am craving a ton of crap. I try to resist but sometimes I give in. This morning for breakfast I got a Diet Dr. Pepper fountain drink and a donut. How horrible. Honestly I have not done that since I gave birth, so it's not like I am eating donuts every day or anything. You'd think looking at myself in the mirror would be enough in itself to do it. When I was pregnant, I gained 30lbs, I lost 20 right away, granted probably 12lbs of that was baby and fluid and all the other gross stuff that comes out when you have a baby. But before I got pregnant I was pushing it....

The goal, to lose 20-30lbs. Ouch, that sounds like so much! I want to try the South Beach again. Last time I did it I lost 30lbs, 11lbs gone in the first 2 weeks. It was easy then because Paul was a road driver and NEVER home. I also had my friend Deborah doing it with me, she kept her weight off, but she lives in Minneapolis now. Back then she was dating my neighbor so we'd be there in each others faces making sure we behaved.

I made one good first step, drinking more water. My Mom got me this water bottle, I call it the "bad ass water bottle". It's made by Thermos and it keeps cold water cold for 12 hours! The label told me, but I have tested it, and it really does keep water cold that long. While everyone elses water gets warm in the car or at softball, mine stays cold. I don't think I'd drink it if it wasn't cold, unless I was super thirsty. I think Thermos should make the "SUPER bad ass water bottle" and make one that makes your water cold! Speaking of, I drank all my water... better go for a refill.... ok back. At least I have made that step, one step in the right direction. Now to cut out the carbs. I am pretty good at eating good carbs... but I do eat the bad ones here and there. I lost the most weight doing SB when I was off the carbs and only had good carbs twice a week or so. Then once or twice a month I'd have a "pooey day" where I'd eat Mexican, pizza or something, but even then I didn't go all out.

I looked good then, I lost all the weight right before my wedding, which was a perfect time too. That was 5 years ago. Right after we got married, Paul stopped running the road and it got harder and harder to eat healthy, since the man loves his carbs, and his desserts. he needs to lose it now too, he's gained like 30lbs because of his back injury. He used to be so active and he can't be anymore. The extra weight on him is not good for his back either.

We went to the pediatrician on Wednesday. Jesse is doing good. Still a little on the small side, but nothing too bad. He's in the 25th percentile. He gained 2 1/2lbs since the last appointment 6 weeks ago. So now he's 13lbs 8 1/2oz. Sitting up good (while supported) and holding his head and upper body up well when he's on his tummy. Oh, and rolling over from his tummy to his back. He's reaching all the normal milestones. He got his second round of shots. The first round went much better. This time he screamed all night. He had me up until almost 2am. I let him sleep in bed with me. The doctor said he's good to go if we want to try cereal, so we will try sometime this weekend. Lets hope it doesn't go up his nose.

Over Analyzing

So, since I never get any comments on my blogs.... does that mean no one reads it or just that no one has anything to say?