Fear... Again

Now I am scared again. Paul's having surgery. I try to stay positive, but sometimes that's hard. I can't be naive and ignore the "what if's". They exist and I have to be prepared if a "what if" actually happens. Aside from all that, I realized I will have to do everything myself while Paul is recovering. He's really stepped up since we got married. I didn't have to do everything for myself anymore. But after surgery, I will be taking care of him, Jesse and the house all by myself. The cooking, the cleaning, the yard work, the shopping, errands. The baby and all that comes with that PLUS assisting Paul get around. Oh yes, lets not for get I have to work 43 hours a week. My parents both work, his parents work. My sister is back in school, his sister has her 2 children and her own problems to deal with. I don't even want to rely on anyone. I want to conquer, but I have a feeling that's unrealistic. But what other choice do I have?

Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) - Wheels (acoustic)

Another song that moved me when I was pregnant.

A Win!

We had a court hearing this morning to determine what medical path should be taken with Paul. We arrived bright and early to the courthouse (8:30am), our attorney was already there waiting for us. We went over a few things with him, went over some key facts for the hearing, then waited for the WC attorney to arrive. She finally arrived at 9:20am dressed down. I wouldn't mention how she was dressed except for the fact that Paul and I made a point to look respectable and she obviously did not take the time to do that. I dress up more to go to work and I have a very loose dress code. She had her hair in a pony tail. Anyway, our attorney went into the hearing room very shortly after her arrival. He mentioned before he went in that Paul wouldn't only need to testify if there was an issue. A short 10 minutes later our attorney returned. I was expecting the worst because it was so fast, thinking Paul would have to testify and we'd be there all day. Nope! We WON! The arbitrator instantly sided with us without question. Now that battle is won we can concentrate on Paul's recovery. A few hours after we returned home our attorney called and stated that surgery is approved and our benefit pay will resume. We are waiting to find out if they are awarding us back pay as well, which we desperately need.

Growing and Developing

So I take part in this program offered by the Will County Health Department. It's called APORS (Adverse Pregnancy Outcome Reporting System). It's where a nurse comes to my home and checks out Jesse's growth and development for the county's records and for me. She also shares a boat load of information with me. She gives me flyers about feeding, nutrition, discipline, sleeping, napping, etc. Basically information on anything that relates to a child at Jesse's age. The first time she came over he was 5 weeks old. She spent 2 hours at our house that time. Luckily this time was only an hour, lol. She takes the time to sit down and listen. Listen to my praises or concerns, answer questions, anything. A pediatrician doesn't give you this kind of time and attention. I am grateful we have her, Lynn is her name.

So Lynn came yesterday, she went over all the flyers and info with me as she did the last time. She gave me some usefull info about veggies he can eat and share with us when we eat dinner. She also mentioned introducing him to a sippy cup! She weighed him.... 17lbs 4oz! I couldn't believe it! When we were at the plastic surgeon's office he was 14lbs 4oz. That was August 10th, exactly one month ago. 3lbs in a month, oh my! I guess he's caught up! He's now in the 65th percentile for height/weight/length and she said so far he's a bit on the tall side. She also checked out his development. We need to make sure he's reaching all the right milestones. He met most of them and the ones he wasn't on target, he exceeded! Woo hoo! I am proud of my little/big guy.

'i am not afraid. i was born to do this.'

My title is a quote I saw on a website. Seems fitting and has a lot of meanings. I was born to be a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a fighter, a lover. Take things as they come and do my best. Some things are scary, very scary, but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right? There's no other option.

Next week we have a court hearing. Trying to decide if I should go. Paul needs to be there, I should probably be there too. A judge will decide Paul's treatment. He saw his doctor yesterday and he's standing firm on the fusion surgery. He said he refuses to let a less competent doctor decide what should be done about HIS patient. He told Paul to stay active and increase the pain medications in order to do so. He doesn't want Paul giving up and laying in bed all day. Last time I spoke with our attorney, he was very confident the judge will side with Paul and Dr. K. I hope so. If we don't "win" we will get our own second opinion.

Jesse is doing great. I see him grow and grow more and more every day. Not only physically, but mentally. Yesterday he didn't really like me much. No matter what I did he fussed, so I put him down and let him be and he was fine... a friend called so I spent some time catching up with her. This morning he seemed to be over whatever was bothering him yesterday (possibly teething). I almost didn't want to drop him off at daycare. Come 5 o'clock, he will be mine again, hopefully not crabby.

"do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself"

A Magical Day

It was a day, just like any other day, but was a special day in my eyes and one that I cannot forget. The Friday before Labor Day. My office closes early on the Friday before a holiday. Jesse spent the morning at daycare with Cheryl and I met Paul there after my office closed at 1pm. We hopped in the car and took I-55 north to 1st Avenue. The zoo! One of my favorite places. I have a membership. We went when I was still on maternity leave, once with Cheryl and Jesse and once with Paul and Jesse. Both times the little guy just napped. Not this time. We got there and unloaded the car into the stroller. It was a beautiful day too, mid-70's, sunny and breezy. We got in taking the usual path. You can't take the stroller in most of the buildings so you have to park it outside. Last time Jesse was only a few weeks old so Paul and I left him snuggled in his carrier and took turns going in the buildings. Not this time. We took him out to see the wonders on the inside. The first one was pretty dark, so I am sure he didn't see that bats crawling up the mesh and hanging in the trees. We found a picnic area and sat to eat the lunch Paul packed. Sammies, chips and 2 beers. :) We love that you can bring your own cooler in. We ate lunch and gave Jesse a bottle and continued on our way. The next stop, The Living Coast. One of the coolest newer attractions at the zoo. We went in, Jesse was mesmerized by the iridescent fish stickers on the walls. We got to the big tanks and his eyes glared in at the large fish and penguins swimming about. Then we get to the simulated wave, which honestly scared him. Then the free flight room with penguins and sea gulls. The sea gulls were flying all over the place and I just watched him make his own new discovery. Paul was holding him and they just took my breath away. We came out and there was a fountain thing. I am sure there's a name for it but that name escapes me. It's where water shoots out of the ground and the kids play in it. But there were no kids playing in it because it was just too cool and windy. Paul was still holding Jesse and they got a mist and the two of them just laughed at another new discovery. We continued on hitting the other buildings with free flight areas. We got to see the Macaw's up close, with their magnificant colors and Jesse just stared at them. It was a pretty special day for me. Spending a beautiful sunny afternoon with the two biggest loves of my life, watching one seeing things he's never seen before and watching the other experience what fatherhood is all about.

Fly me away

I got hooked on this song when I was pregnant with Jesse from the Amazon Kindle commercial. I used to sing it to him every time the commercial came on. Now it reminds me of him.