I Can Breathe Now

Surgery went without a hitch. The doc says it was all a success. What a huge sigh of relief.

Wednesday was hard, very hard.

We got there about 6:30am, surgery was scheduled for 7:45. We got checked in. Got Jesse dressed in his hospital gown, went through all the procedural stuff, met with the surgeon, his ENT and the anesthesiologist. Everyone was wonderful. I felt confident leaving my boy in their capable hands. I opted out of the pre-surgical sedation for him because he was so calm when it was offered. Little did I know 30 minutes later he'd be screaming. He was probably just really hungry and tired. The doctor took him away right about 7:45. He was calm when they walked away with him. Otherwise I would have lot it right then and there. We left the pre-op room and headed back to the waiting room. I had to pee so I went in the bathroom. That's where I lost it. I regained my composure before stepping back out into the waiting room.

We decided to step outside and put some stuff in the car and run out for a quick breakfast since neither of us had anything to eat before we got there. We had some lovely fast food breakfast and headed back. Before too long the doc came to see us. She was done! Already! The surgery was estimated at 2.5 hours, and she was done in under 2 hours. They took me back first to see him, he was just waking up. They had me sit on the hospital bed and hold him. He fell asleep in my arms while the recovery nurses talked to me. In a little while they started to take us up to a room, when Paul met us on the way. We got to the room and got him settled in. They gave him morphine for pain. His IV was in his foot. He likes to kick, especially when he's upset. Not a good match there. It was a very long afternoon. It's not easy looking at your child and knowing he's in pain. It just breaks your heart. When the pain meds wore off, it was very obvious. We couldn't make a sound, every little noise woke him up. I spent the night, there wasn't enough room for both of us to stay and Paul needed to take care of his back and sleep in our good bed at home.

The next morning Jesse was off the morphine. He took a few ounces of formula and some apple sauce and his doctor came in to check on him. She asked if he ate, she checked him out then asked if we wanted to go home. I was SO shocked! Yes! Lets go home. Around 10:30am we were on our way home. Amazing.

We all napped once we got home. The past 30 hours or so were pretty hard on all of us. I could tell Jesse was happy to be home. By Friday he was playing, smiling, starting to get back to his old self. Even now he still is in pain, I can tell. Especially in the morning and in the middle of the night, but it's not too bad. Considering the amount of stitches in his mouth, he's doing amazingly well. He's not eating a lot, but he is eating. I am sure he's losing some weight. But we will get past this. The hard part is over... I can breathe now.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is surgery day. My eyes fill up with tears every so often, but a tear hasn't fallen. I don't think it's the surgery itself that bothers me so much but the thought of him waking up in pain and looking at me and not understanding why. I guess I don't really have much more to say. The next blog will be post surgery, sitting in a room at the hospital, hearing the beeps of the monitors and my little guy lying in the crib next to me.

100 Posts

I just realized that my last post was the 100th post. I guess when I started this, I didn't realize I had so much to talk about.

Surgery is in 2 days. I need to start making a list of things I need to bring. I need to clean house so when we come home from the hospital, I am not coming home to a filthy disaster. If I could make a freezer meal that would be even better. Yes, I should have done all this over the weekend, but I didn't. I didn't feel like doing anything, so I didn't. I feel like a lot of life has been sucked out of me. I have no energy at all. I almost feel like my body has gone into survival mode saving the energy because I will be using a lot of it in a few days for several weeks. I've been through this before and I switch modes when I need to. I switch from mother/wife to advocate. I do what needs to be done. I am the glue that will keep this together. I can do this. I was born to do this.

For some reason the word "surgery" above appears to be spelled wrong to me, but it's not.

One Week

The other day I started a blog about the big snow storm, the "Blizzard of 2011".... but after a paragraph, I realized that I wasn't really focused on what I was writing and like 15 other states experienced what we did. Since I had 2 days off due to the blizzard, I did get to make lots of yummy food and spend some much needed time with my son. So I am thankful for the "Blizzard of 2011". Life returned back to normal for most people within 36 hours.

The "Snow Day" chocolate crinkles I made.


Today I got a call from the Admissions department at the hospital. They were calling to ask some pre-op information about Jesse. The woman on the phone was very kind and had a nice comforting voice. I suppose that's key in a job like that. The second I hung up the phone it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's really happening, and it will be happening a week from today. This time next week I will be in a hospital, sitting in that same waiting area where I have sat before.... too many times before. It breaks my heart and we aren't even there yet.

I know this is the right thing to do, he needs this surgery. More than most people even know. Sure, he could survive without surgery, but with lifelong issues. It's best to just get it done now and move on with life.

Sure it's not heart surgery or brain surgery, but it is surgery. I know there are many parents out there that go through so much more and honestly, I don't know how they do it. I guess you have to have faith, and a lot of it. The worst part of all this will be the waiting room. Anxiously waiting for his surgeon to come through the door, take us into that small room and tell us the surgery was a success. I am not positive how long I will be in that room, probably about 4 hours. Give or take. If I remember correctly, she told us surgery was 4 hours. Not sure if that time is start to finish or if time is added on for prep and recovery. I will ask again when we see her prior to surgery. When he's in recovery, one of us will be able to see him. Last time it was me. Paul believes a child should be with his mother at times like this. I have to agree, but part of that is selfishness. He will be waking up during this time. When they feel he is ready, they will move him to a room in the pediatrics department where we will stay at least 24 hours. Maybe 36 or 48, depending on how he's doing. He will have IV's. He will be fed through his IV for a little while. He will also get pain meds through the IV (morphine, I think). When we get home on Thursday or Friday we will have Tylenol 3 to manage his pain. That's what we had when he had lip surgery and I believe we only used it for a few days. I really don't know what to expect once we get home. Just hoping he heals quickly and gets back to his smiley self in no time.