Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Anniversary

The anniversary of Jesse's first surgery is coming up. I am not sure what to do with this yet. What I do know is a year ago right now I was a complete mess. The first 10 weeks of Jesse's life was stressful enough as it was, then add in an upcoming surgery for a 3 month old and a husband with a severe back injury. Times were tough and that's an understatement. Paul and I were extremely stressed and anxious about Jesse's surgery then Paul's surgery was scheduled for a month later. Paul's ended up getting post poned, but that's a story for a different post. This week a year ago Paul and I snapped on each other. It was the worst fight we'd ever had. It made me wonder about the future of our marriage. Luckily we got past that, but it took time, forgiveness and a new outlook on life, this life that we now live.

So now here we are approching the one year anniversary of this trying time. Do I celebrate openly this year? In future years? Or is this something to reflect on privately? I don't want to dwell on the past, but I do want to celebrate how far we have come in the past year. How Jesse was having a hard time gaining weight to trying to keep up with how much he eats. How Paul and I have evolved into pretty good parents. How our marriage has grown. A year ago we were very protective of our little boy. We kept him pretty sheltered because if he got sick, surgery would be delayed. Or if he caught something and we didn't know it, that would effect his recovery. We didn't want to risk him getting any infections because we wanted him to have minimal scarring and a short recovery. People thought we were being paranoid, but I didn't care then and I don't care now. It was what was best for him, and us. We made sacrifices to ensure everything would go smoothly, which it did. Everything went as expected, no complications, nothing unexpected. It sure wasn't easy, but surgery never is.

We made it a year. Two surguries later for Jesse and one for Paul and the world didn't come crashing down on us. We have a happy 14 month old. A healthy 14 month old. A 14 month old who can suck and eat without food coming out his nose. We've hit milestones that most parents never even think about. It's huge and it means a lot to me.

We are also approaching Paul's 2 year injury anniversary date. I am guessing this day will be pretty hard on him. Here we are 2 years later, 2 surgeries later, countless meds later, 9 injections later and he's still in pain. Because of Paul's back we have not been able to take a vacation since 2009. He can't make a long car ride. This weekend we are going to attempt going to the lake. It's just over 2 hours away. I imagine we will need to stop every 20-30 minutes, which is going to suck, but I think it will be worth it. Jesse will have so much fun there, now that he's older. I am really looking forward to this. We need this, even though it will only be 2 days.

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