Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Bad Days

I lost control this week. Basically I cried for like 2 days straight. I was seeking help, from friends, family and professionals. I felt so incredibly low, depressed, helpless like my whole life was spiraling out of control. Today I woke up and everything was fine. Well, not like perfect fine, because my life is no where near perfect, but I didn't feel low, depressed or helpless. What happened overnight? How does one go from their breaking point to being fine after a night's sleep? It's that time. Yup, good ol' PMS. This is something I have not really delt with in a really long time. Before Jesse it was under control with modern medicine, aka the pill. I quit that a few weeks before conceiving Jesse and never went back to taking it. I opted for a different method of birth control because I was taking the pill for so long, I decided it was time for a change and I switched to something my OB recommended.

In the past 2 years, I have obviously had a lot on my plate between Paul and Jesse. I have bad days. When I have those bad days they are pretty bad. But today, I have to wonder if I have these bad days about every 28 days. I never made the connection until today (it only took a year). Likely because I don't get a period on my current birth control, but you still go through the cycle, so it isn't exactly obvious where I am in my cycle. It's not like, ok, I am going to get my period in a few days, so if I am emotional, this is why. Nope, not at all. But now, since I've made that connection, I think I will keep track of where I am in my cycle so I don't go calling counselors and psychiatrists then return back to normal in a few days. There was a sign this morning that this is what's going on, but those are not details I wish to share. Now I am curious how all this will play out. What days my bad days will fall on. In the mean time, I have market the past 2 days on my calendar, so we will see.

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