Emotional

I have had a lot on my mind lately. I am all across the board and everything is causing a lot of emotion and sleeplessness.

There's the incident that I explained in yesterday's post. No need to elaborate on that one. I've pretty much had it with a long time friend of mine. She's been treating me like crap for too long now and I am done with it. She's lied to me one too many times. I need to cleanse myself from that toxic relationship. I don't wish any ill will on her, I'm just done with it.

One of my cleft Mom friends is expecting again. She shared with me a long time ago that she was pregnant, before she told a lot of people. She was scared about having another cleft baby, which I don't blame her. I would feel the same way and I am hesitant to have another due to the possibility of a cleft. Not that a child can't live a totally normal life with a cleft, but the stress of going through surgeries, feeding issues, ear issues, teeth issues, etc. I don't know if I can do it all again. But we are not even close to wanting another child, so it's not something I am making a decision about any time soon.

My friend had her 20 week ultrasound yesterday. We chatted a little before her appointment and she expressed how nervous she was about it, to the point of making herself sick with anxiety. I told her I would feel the same way. After her appointment she announced that she's having another girl and the 3D ultrasound shows NO CLEFT! I am so happy for her, I even got teary when I saw the images this morning then she said to me, "there is hope for a normal child. I am proof". Such simple words yet very powerful ones.

I also have on my mind some upcoming changes. We don't know exactly what these changes will be but we know there will be some changes. Changes in Paul's medical treatment and possibly changes with Jesse's daycare. Both are stressful subjects, but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes and we will do our best with what we have.