The holidays came and went without a hitch, except the cold Jesse and I both got. I have still not yet downloaded any pictures from the holidays, so no pics in this post. Jesse got lots of toys and clothes for Christmas, more than I know what to do with.
I have done a lot of reflecting in the past week or two. I don't know where it's all coming from, maybe just the time of year and the new year that awaits. What will this year bring me? Hopefully less hospital visits. 2010 had so many ups and downs that all I wish for is less drama. Meaning less hospital visits and stays, more positivity, more progress. I am very nervous about what my future has to offer, I am thinking 2010 just left a bad taste in my mouth.
I have met a lot of new friends online and I look forward to meeting some of them in person after Jesse's surgery and when the warmer weather returns. These new friends are cleft moms. I look forward to having someone who I can talk to about being a cleft Mom because right now I feel very alone. I don't want to seem too desperate for friends, but it's hard to talk to people when they don't really know the things that I go through, big or small.
My self esteem has been pretty low the past week, I don't know if I am just in a funk or what, but I have been questioning my parenting abilities. I feel like other people question me too, but maybe that's just my low self esteem making me think thats what's happening when really it isn't. I am also sleep deprived, which I know alters my thinking and mood. Hopefully I can get some rest and get a recharge and everything will return back to normal. Whatever normal is these days.