I have been pretty depressed lately. Mostly due to the stresses of my life. Being a mother and not having much help from my husband, dealing with his medical drama and his depression from it. Worrying about being judged because I have a child with a cleft. Worrying about money and how we are going to get the bills paid, food on the table and still have some left over to do something fun. Worrying about my childs daycare. Worrying about my son's eating and drinking issues. The list goes on. I started to try and seek help. I have very specific needs, plus time and money are huge factors. All leads sent me to dead ends. I chose to focus my negetive energy on being an educator and advocate in the cleft community and beyond. I chose to share Jesse's story with those who may not know about clefts and what we have been through. That in itself was a huge weight off my shoulders. I had a talk with a dear friend who listened like I needed her to, that was also huge. She helped me to understand the outside perspective a little bit better. She also stressed about how important it is for me to get some me time. That won't be easy, but she's right. That in itself will be theraputic.
The weather here in the Midwest just sucks this year. Here we are, it's May and it's STILL cold! We've had some good days here and there, but it's just not Spring yet. I am sure this has an effect on people's attitudes. I want to do more, live life more, but it's hard to do free outdoor activities when it's so crappy outside. I have a friend who recently moved to Texas. She mentioned, "People down here are so nice, I think it's the sun." I think she's right. There are higher depression and suicide rates in places that don't get a lot of sun.
There's not much I can do about Paul's medical situation, it is what it is. But I will make more of an effort to make the best out of things. Now if the weather would just cooperate, this would be easier. I want to take evening walks. Hang out on the deck. Play some basketball in the driveway. Play with my son in the yard. Go for a hike in the woods. Go on a bike ride. Either I need to learn to do these things in bogus weather or I need to move to a warmer climate. That's a whole other blog though.
We have a walk planned tonight, I am looking forward to it.
Here's a couple cute pictures of Jesse from Easter Weekend.