The Big Day

The big day is almost here. Well, tomorrow, but I doubt I will be blogging tomorrow. Maybe in a few days. I am really scared and nervous. Not that I think anything is going to go wrong, just the whole idea of my 13 week old baby going under the knife is just very unsettling. I spent some time with him this morning, just laughing and smiling together. It was nice. I am in a pissy mood. I hope people around me understand why. But most people don't know what it's like to go through this. So as much as they want to be understanding, you don't know unless you've been there. What I need to get off my chest right now is that I get so annoyed by people telling me it will be ok and he will be fine when I say I am nervous and scared. Well, it's not that I don't think he will be fine, and it doesn't make me feel any better when you tell me that, and really, how do you even know? No one knows. Don't get me wrong, I am trying to stay positive and I have faith that all will go well. We had Deborah's Dad over last night, he's a Pastor. He talked to us a bit then said a prayer for Jesse, his doctor and for us. Even though I am not a very religious person, I felt this was a good idea. If there is a God up there, I'd rather he be on our side.

His surgery is scheduled for 7:45am. We will get a call this evening from the hospital tonight to tell us what time to be there. I have a feeling tonight will be rough. He has to stop eating 6 hours before surgery, so I think I will wake him up around 1am to feed him then put him back down until we have to leave. I imagine we will have to be at the hospital between 6:15am and 6:45am. I will probably need to get up around 5:15-5:30. But that's ok, that's usually about the time Jesse gets up anyway. But I hope he will sleep until 6, the less time he's upset about being hungry the better. The procedure will be about 2-3 hours. He will be in recovery coming out of the anesthesia for 30-45 minutes then he will move to a recovery room for several hours.

1 Week from Today

So surgery is next Wednesday. I hope the weather is good so we can do some things this weekend before we are stuck at home with a crabby baby recovering from surgery. I hope tonight we can go to the Concert in the Park too. Paul went to his doctor today and that really threw us for a loop. Workman's comp is requiring Paul to be released back to work on light duty until he has surgery. The doctor said surgery in 6 weeks, which is the week of August 16th. That's not too bad. At least Jesse will be healed by then and Cheryl will be back to do daycare for Jesse full time. We are not happy about this being sent back to work thing. It's not that I expect them to let Paul be off work to take care of Jesse, but they won't even let him take time off after the surgery. Like for instance, if he was not injured and working, he would use vacation time and take a week or two off. But since he's been off since the beginning of the year, he has no vacation time (employees become ineligible for vacation time if you are not working for more than 30 days) and will have to go back to work after the holiday weekend. Thankfully we got them to change the release date to July 5th instead of tomorrow. This still really blows. I only have 7 vacation days to spread between this surgery, Paul's surgery and Jesse's 2nd surgery or I have to take unpaid time off. God forbid I get sick! I understand how workmans comp works though. We have a call in to the attorney, maybe he can shed some light on this situation.

10 days to go

We went to the pediatrician last week and Jesse weighs 11lbs 1.5oz and he's 23.5 inches long now. We were given medical clearance for surgery. So I am happy, but a little sad. I can't believe it's next Wednesday already. Paul and I are both really scared. Jesse has no idea what's coming. The fear we are both experiencing is taking a toll on us. We are both having a hard time coping and communicating. The today I realized that we can't go to Jamison's (Shari's son) first birthday party. We need to keep ourselves away from groups of people to avoid the risk of getting sick. If any of us get sick it can delay surgery or delay recovery, so it's not even worth the risk.

2 Weeks Away

I can't believe Jesse's surgery is in 2 weeks from tomorrow. Tomorrow we go to the pediatrician to get his wellness check to send to the plastic surgeons office and he will get his immunizations. Poor little guy. I hope the weather is good in the next 2 weeks so we can have some fun before surgery. Things will be rough for a little while after, especially depending on when Paul's scheduled for his surgery. I hope we can delay that a while. I think he's supposed to schedule it at his next doctors appointment next week.

This is all a lot to handle

The latest news.... Paul got approved by work comp to have surgery. Hopefully it won't be an issue putting it off until after Jesse's surgery and recovery. Paul needs a bone fusion in his lower back. It's major surgery that will have a long recovery. He will be in a back brace for 3 months, then 2 months of physical therapy, then 2 months of work hardening. Even after all this he still won't be able to go back to his job as a furniture mover. His doctor told him he will never be able to lift anything heavy again. I am really feeling the stress now. Surgery for my son, then a few weeks later surgery on my husband then 4 months later surgery on my son again! I hope I have the strength and patience to go through all this. I really have no choice. We will need to rely heavily on friends and family for help.

Words to Live By

I found this quote and felt it was quite fitting for this time in my life.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face.-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Tattoos

Paul and I got Jesse's name tattooed on us. They look awesome.

Mine is on my left wrist.

Paul's is on his left forearm.

Having a rough week

Well, June 1st was this week and that means the countdown for surgery has begun. I am really scared about the whole thing. I never thought in a million years that I would be watching my first child have surgery twice in the first year of his life. There's not much I can do about it. It needs to be done, for him. He would hate me if I didn't have it fixed, not that I was considering that or anything. I have to suck it up, be strong and remember this is for him, to make his life better. I am also thankful that it's not for something more serious like his heart, brain or cancer. I will admit, I am going to miss the cleft lip. It grew on me, especially when he started smiling. I have a picture that I call the Elvis look. LOL. It's going to kill me seeing stitches and bruises on his face, but I am hoping it desensitizes me a little for when he falls and bleeds as all kids do. And knowing he's in pain, ugh. I realy hope this experience doesn't make me an overprotective Mom, I'd rather it make me more laid back.
Yesterday was a bit rough, today too. Just feeling a lot of emotions. Yesterday I was just so exhausted that I let my emotions get the best of me. I was jealous of Paul, getting to spend all day with him, then he made it seem like a chore. What I'd give to be able to be home with Jesse instead of at work. Then I wanted to give Jesse a bath, I real one in the tub (I have only been giving him sponge baths thus far) and Paul took over. I know he was just trying to help, but he wasn't setting it up the way I wanted so I got mad and asked him to leave. So he wasn't there to be a part of his son's first bath. I feel terrible and guilty. Not that Jesse liked it anyway, he cried almost the whole time. Paul said he's do it during the day while I was at work, but it really was something I wanted to do since I feel I miss out on things while I am away at work.

What a great weekend!

I got off work early on Friday and we were going to go to the zoo, but it didn't happen. Paul's back was really bothering him, so we stayed home and enjoyed the afternoon there. We took a nice long walk with Jesse and Coda, so that was nice. We spent the afternoon and evening on the deck and talked a lot. Saturday morning we got up and did yard work and washed the cars. Dave and his parents came over in the early afternoon, his parents have been wanting to meet Jesse. Dave's Mom made Jesse a cross stitch door hanging that says "Shh, Baby is Sleeping" and they gave us savings bonds. The savings bond mystery is over. It was Dave and his parents! We were wondering for weeks who they were from.

I was supposed to get together with a friend, but I nver heard from her. She was going to come over and we talked about going to the pool. Oh well. Later Paul's friend John came over with his girlfriend and son. They were cool. We watched the hockey game on the deck and had some cocktails. It was nice and relaxing.

Sunday we had a party. It was just going to be a few people. What happens when we decide to do things like this is we tell a bunch of people, usually last minute and no one shows. Haha. Not this year! Some people cancelled and some came last minute. It ended up being mostly Paul's friends, plus my sister, her husband and their son. It was a good turn out. No drama. Nothing got broken or stolen. I call that a success. Darrell and Cheryl and their kids didn't come, like we expected them to. That kind of annoyed me because they said they were going to bring kabobs. I am glad Paul went and got extra meat that morning. People were gone by like 10. Glad it didn't go til all hours of the morning.

Yesterdy we did mostly nothing. That was nice. I took pictures of Jesse.