Yes, I got dumped. By my "best friend" of 18 years. The person who told me on my wedding day that she was happy that our kids would grow up together. I guess they did, for 4 years.
I am not really sure when it started exactly, probably about a year ago. I remember last summer she gave me a hard time because my husband wasn't working and that I "put up with too much"with my husband. I don't know how she can determine what I "put up" with, but she had it in her head and there was no changing her mind. To me, "putting up with" something means something is bothering me and I don't stand up for myself. But him not working didn't bother me because I didn't feel like he should have been working. I landed a job that paid me enough to support my family and let my husband stay home. I wanted my husband to stay home, he has a back injury and daily pain and this was something she couldn't understand. She had the same back surgery and she recovered. My husband injured his back and did not recover. She'd compare his pain to the pain of people she knew and still worked. It was like she did not approve of my husband not working even though I did.
The last time I saw her was about February. I remember we debated on a few things, one being my husband and the other was the fact that I did not send my son to pre-school (see post here). I don't know why she has/had a hard time with the fact that I was making decisions she didn't agree with and I certainly don't know why this would end our friendship. She never told me our friendship was over and neither did I, but I can take a hint. I spoke with her a few times over the phone, a few times over email and a few texts. In every one of those, she mentioned to me how busy she was. I didn't take it as a brush off until July. I sent her son a birthday card and gift because I never got an invite to any kind of party (which I have always been invited to all of her kids birthday parties). I received a Thank You card in the mail from her thanking me for the card and gift. There was no mention of any kind of party and at the end of the card it stated, "We've been so busy!". Ok, you are busy. So busy that you haven't been able to call me in the past 3 months? That's fine. I'll wait until you are not as busy. I am still waiting, now it's been 6 months. I gave up, I can take a hint. I've been dumped.
It's ok. My Mom reminded me that she was never that great of a friend anyway.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
No Pre-school? Read.
To those people who told me not sending my son to preschool was a mistake? My son DOES NOT have any behavior issues that disrupt class, in fact, he comes home with good behavior reports every week. He was also moved to 1st Grade reading, so on Tuesdays and Thursdays, he goes to the 1st Grade classroom for reading. So proud of my boy.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
No Pre-School?!? How Dare I?
A "friend" of mine said something to me that really struck a nerve. I am not sure if this was her way of telling me something without actually saying it. She said that there were 5 or 6 kids in her son's kindergarten class that "ruin it for the rest of the kids". She went on to tell me that these 5 or 6 kids are inhibiting the other children to learn because of their misbehavior because "they didn't go to pre-school so they don't know how to behave in a classroom". I couldn't help but think that this was her way of telling me I should have sent my son to pre-school. But I ask myself, how does she know those children who are misbehaving have not been to pre-school? Did you talk to all of their parents? Did the teacher tell you (which is totally against the law) or is this an assumption that you made? Maybe you came to this conclusion when you were speaking with other parents (or gossiping)?
First of all, pre-school is in no way required. I am sorry you chose to send your child to school early and I didn't. That was your choice and my choice was mine. Our two choices are different and that's ok in my book. You made your decision based on your child and your situation and I based my decision on my child and my situation. Maybe you chose pre-school so you could have a few hours of the day to yourself for some quiet time, or to get the shopping done. Maybe your child needs to learn his ABC's, counting or social skills with people other than family. There's nothing wrong with that. Does that mean one of us made the wrong decision? Absolutely not. But I think my "friend" thinks I did.
Here's why I made the decision I did.
I know I don't need to justify myself, but other people may feel like they are being criticized too and you are not alone.
First of all, pre-school is in no way required. I am sorry you chose to send your child to school early and I didn't. That was your choice and my choice was mine. Our two choices are different and that's ok in my book. You made your decision based on your child and your situation and I based my decision on my child and my situation. Maybe you chose pre-school so you could have a few hours of the day to yourself for some quiet time, or to get the shopping done. Maybe your child needs to learn his ABC's, counting or social skills with people other than family. There's nothing wrong with that. Does that mean one of us made the wrong decision? Absolutely not. But I think my "friend" thinks I did.
Here's why I made the decision I did.
- Pre-school is expensive. Not nearly as expensive as daycare, but still over $100/month. If I am going to be spending $100/month, why would I send my child to a place where he already knows the curriculum? He knows his ABC's, he can count well past 100, he's reading and writing, he's good at problem solving and has been to daycare so he is socialized even though he is an only child. We found that ABC Mouse is a great tool, we have my son do daily lessons and it costs $8/month. I know the computer/internet is not a replacement for school, but he spends an hour a day, he is in fact learning from it and he has fun doing it.
- He's a kid. Once he starts Kindergarten, he will be in school for the next 13 years. Why rush it by going to pre-school? Aren't there better things a kid can do and learn about the world by NOT being cooped up in a classroom?
- My husband is a stay at home Dad. Again, why send him to pre-school when his Dad can teach him. This gives them more time to spend together having fun while learning and letting my kid be a kid. Pre-school is not required, I ask myself, why would I send him to pre-school if I don't have to?
- My son is enrolled in sports, camps, and educational classes through the park district. He gets plenty of socialization. In fact, there are 2 camps he's in this summer that "prepare children for school".
I know I don't need to justify myself, but other people may feel like they are being criticized too and you are not alone.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Til Death Do Us Part
I have been reflecting a lot on my life lately. I'm turning 40 this year. My son just turned 5 and my husband and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary.
Ten years married to this man. TEN years! Our wedding day doesn't feel that long ago, but I guess that's because we went through hell and back to get where we are today. Almost seems like it should feel like forever ago, but it doesn't. Going through all the hard times we went through together just made us stronger. When we married we altered the vows slightly. Instead of two becoming one, we decided we wanted to stay two and just join paths. We wanted to maintain our individuality, we wanted to stay true to ourselves.
We took our vows seriously, but not too seriously. But we both knew that this wasn't temporary, that we were in it for the long haul. In the past 10 years, we have maintained faithful to each other, supported each other in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, we love and cherish and have no plans to change that until death do us part. We are in it for the long haul and we knew that when we made this commitment to each other. Many marriages don't experience all of these things, but in 10 short years, I can honestly say that we have experienced every single one of them together. The most important thing in marriage that's somehow not mentioned in vows is to trust one another. I cannot stress how important that is. when there's trust, you don't have to worry about betrayal and faithfulness because there's trust. You don't have to worry about what happens in sickness and in health, because there's trust. You don't have to worry about if they will be there in good times and bad, because there's trust. Vows are in no way questioned because there's trust. When the trust is gone, there's a problem. That doesn't mean it's forever, trust can come back, but it usually needs to be earned, and that can be a VERY tricky process.
I see people divorce all the time. People close to me and people not so close. I know what couples fight about, we've had our own fair share of fights, but we don't let them tear us apart. We still have trust. The people that divorce are the people who have likely broken a vow, have a lack of trust or have lost faith. The most recent marital problems I have seen lately are lack of faithfulness, lack of trust and lack of support. It makes me sad. One of these marriages lasted a mere 2 years while one of the others ended after 15 years.
Paul and I had the perfect recipe to come apart. After nearly 5 years of marriage, things were going good. We were both employed, not the greatest jobs mind you, but enough to get the bills paid and still be able to enjoy life. We bought a house together and had nice cars. There had already been some financial bumps in the road, but nothing major. In 2009, everything changed. My husband had an accident at work, a sofa fell on him when he was unloading a truck. After that, he was taken off work and a workman's comp case was opened for him. A month later we discovered I was pregnant. As the first few months of my pregnancy, our comfort zone diminished. His income was gone and replaced with a check that was 2/3 of his reported income. This did NOT include tips. Tips were a large part of his income, but since they were never reported, work comp does not compensate for that.
My husband was getting treatment for his back. He had 6 herniated discs. The doctor gave him injections for the pain, but they weren't working. In February of 2010, my husband underwent his first back surgery, a microdiscectomy. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. It was stressful, but I needed by husband back, we were about to have a baby. A month and a half later, we did have that baby, my son Jesse. We were expecting a healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy. On the day he was born, he shocked us. He was born with an unexpected cleft lip and palate. I was very uneducated about his condition and it devastated me. I don't think my husband had a chance to experience his own emotions because he was spending his energy keeping me afloat. In the months to follow, things were hard. We had to dismiss everything we knew about babies and learn again. We had to accept that our son had a facial difference. We had to visit doctors we never thought we'd need to see for his care. We had to learn how to feed him so he could thrive. We had to plan a surgery for him when he was 3 months old. We succeeded in these tasks.
During all this my husbands back wasn't any better. He had been suffering for many months. The next step for him was a double spinal fusion. This one was not going to be easy. He underwent the surgery, spent 4 days in the hospital and would be in a body cast for 3-4 months. This was literally the hardest time of my life. I had a new born baby who needed his own surgery, now this? It was an extremely trying time for me, but we managed to keep going. as my husband is barely healed from his surgery, we needed my son's cleft palate to be repaired. This was done when he was 10 1/2 months old, February 2011. His surgery was a success and life went on. Of course not without struggle. My husband needed physical therapy, my son needed speech therapy and I am pretty sure I needed therapy too, but I hardly had time for that. My husband then had 2 more surgeries to help manage his pain because at this point there was extensive nerve damage. He was also addicted to the opiates he's been taking for years. We still had many struggles ahead in regards to his condition.
Time went on and my job changed to part time. I picked up another job, as a waitress. I like this because I was able to spend more time with my son, but the bills were barely getting paid and eventually that came to an end when the restaurant closed down. I was able to find another part time job. Then my other job, the one that I'd had for 10 years, let me go in October of 2013. My income, that was supporting my family, was now gone. My job security, gone. I had the choice of letting this consume me, but I chose not to let it. I needed to be brave and fight to keep the roof over my family's heads and food in their bellies. I found another part time job and worked my butt off. Once again, it wasn't enough. We were barely getting by, bills were always late and it was just a matter of time before we'd lose everything. I got back on my horse and looked for something better. After several interviews, a few less than desirable job offers, it happened. The job I wanted and needed, for the income I needed and deserved. It took perseverance and determination, but it happened and I couldn't be happier.
Now here we are, my husband is a stay at home Dad and I am a working professional supporting my family. Sure, sometimes I'd rather be home with my son than sitting at this desk, but at least I know he's in good hands being raised by his Father instead of a day care provider. We are happy. My son is so incredible smart and full of life. My husband still has to manage his pain, but with the major hurdles in our past, his stress levels are down and his pain has decreased. He still has physical restrictions, but he can still be a great Dad and husband.
There were many times I lost hope. I thought this little black cloud was going to follow me around forever. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was sure that there never would be an end to our struggles. Paul's work comp case eventually closed (and not without a fight there too), I landed the idea job, my son graduated from Speech therapy and is starting Kindergarten in the Fall. We are caught up on bills, even bought a new car.
We couldn't have done all of this without each other. We stayed by each others sides even at the darkest of times. Instead of letting the bad things consume us and tear us apart, we instead let it bring us closer together. We never gave up. We stayed strong and brave with whatever life wanted to throw at us next.
Ten years married to this man. TEN years! Our wedding day doesn't feel that long ago, but I guess that's because we went through hell and back to get where we are today. Almost seems like it should feel like forever ago, but it doesn't. Going through all the hard times we went through together just made us stronger. When we married we altered the vows slightly. Instead of two becoming one, we decided we wanted to stay two and just join paths. We wanted to maintain our individuality, we wanted to stay true to ourselves.
We took our vows seriously, but not too seriously. But we both knew that this wasn't temporary, that we were in it for the long haul. In the past 10 years, we have maintained faithful to each other, supported each other in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, we love and cherish and have no plans to change that until death do us part. We are in it for the long haul and we knew that when we made this commitment to each other. Many marriages don't experience all of these things, but in 10 short years, I can honestly say that we have experienced every single one of them together. The most important thing in marriage that's somehow not mentioned in vows is to trust one another. I cannot stress how important that is. when there's trust, you don't have to worry about betrayal and faithfulness because there's trust. You don't have to worry about what happens in sickness and in health, because there's trust. You don't have to worry about if they will be there in good times and bad, because there's trust. Vows are in no way questioned because there's trust. When the trust is gone, there's a problem. That doesn't mean it's forever, trust can come back, but it usually needs to be earned, and that can be a VERY tricky process.
I see people divorce all the time. People close to me and people not so close. I know what couples fight about, we've had our own fair share of fights, but we don't let them tear us apart. We still have trust. The people that divorce are the people who have likely broken a vow, have a lack of trust or have lost faith. The most recent marital problems I have seen lately are lack of faithfulness, lack of trust and lack of support. It makes me sad. One of these marriages lasted a mere 2 years while one of the others ended after 15 years.
Paul and I had the perfect recipe to come apart. After nearly 5 years of marriage, things were going good. We were both employed, not the greatest jobs mind you, but enough to get the bills paid and still be able to enjoy life. We bought a house together and had nice cars. There had already been some financial bumps in the road, but nothing major. In 2009, everything changed. My husband had an accident at work, a sofa fell on him when he was unloading a truck. After that, he was taken off work and a workman's comp case was opened for him. A month later we discovered I was pregnant. As the first few months of my pregnancy, our comfort zone diminished. His income was gone and replaced with a check that was 2/3 of his reported income. This did NOT include tips. Tips were a large part of his income, but since they were never reported, work comp does not compensate for that.
My husband was getting treatment for his back. He had 6 herniated discs. The doctor gave him injections for the pain, but they weren't working. In February of 2010, my husband underwent his first back surgery, a microdiscectomy. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. It was stressful, but I needed by husband back, we were about to have a baby. A month and a half later, we did have that baby, my son Jesse. We were expecting a healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy. On the day he was born, he shocked us. He was born with an unexpected cleft lip and palate. I was very uneducated about his condition and it devastated me. I don't think my husband had a chance to experience his own emotions because he was spending his energy keeping me afloat. In the months to follow, things were hard. We had to dismiss everything we knew about babies and learn again. We had to accept that our son had a facial difference. We had to visit doctors we never thought we'd need to see for his care. We had to learn how to feed him so he could thrive. We had to plan a surgery for him when he was 3 months old. We succeeded in these tasks.
During all this my husbands back wasn't any better. He had been suffering for many months. The next step for him was a double spinal fusion. This one was not going to be easy. He underwent the surgery, spent 4 days in the hospital and would be in a body cast for 3-4 months. This was literally the hardest time of my life. I had a new born baby who needed his own surgery, now this? It was an extremely trying time for me, but we managed to keep going. as my husband is barely healed from his surgery, we needed my son's cleft palate to be repaired. This was done when he was 10 1/2 months old, February 2011. His surgery was a success and life went on. Of course not without struggle. My husband needed physical therapy, my son needed speech therapy and I am pretty sure I needed therapy too, but I hardly had time for that. My husband then had 2 more surgeries to help manage his pain because at this point there was extensive nerve damage. He was also addicted to the opiates he's been taking for years. We still had many struggles ahead in regards to his condition.
Time went on and my job changed to part time. I picked up another job, as a waitress. I like this because I was able to spend more time with my son, but the bills were barely getting paid and eventually that came to an end when the restaurant closed down. I was able to find another part time job. Then my other job, the one that I'd had for 10 years, let me go in October of 2013. My income, that was supporting my family, was now gone. My job security, gone. I had the choice of letting this consume me, but I chose not to let it. I needed to be brave and fight to keep the roof over my family's heads and food in their bellies. I found another part time job and worked my butt off. Once again, it wasn't enough. We were barely getting by, bills were always late and it was just a matter of time before we'd lose everything. I got back on my horse and looked for something better. After several interviews, a few less than desirable job offers, it happened. The job I wanted and needed, for the income I needed and deserved. It took perseverance and determination, but it happened and I couldn't be happier.
Now here we are, my husband is a stay at home Dad and I am a working professional supporting my family. Sure, sometimes I'd rather be home with my son than sitting at this desk, but at least I know he's in good hands being raised by his Father instead of a day care provider. We are happy. My son is so incredible smart and full of life. My husband still has to manage his pain, but with the major hurdles in our past, his stress levels are down and his pain has decreased. He still has physical restrictions, but he can still be a great Dad and husband.
There were many times I lost hope. I thought this little black cloud was going to follow me around forever. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was sure that there never would be an end to our struggles. Paul's work comp case eventually closed (and not without a fight there too), I landed the idea job, my son graduated from Speech therapy and is starting Kindergarten in the Fall. We are caught up on bills, even bought a new car.
We couldn't have done all of this without each other. We stayed by each others sides even at the darkest of times. Instead of letting the bad things consume us and tear us apart, we instead let it bring us closer together. We never gave up. We stayed strong and brave with whatever life wanted to throw at us next.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
The Glove
I have not posted in a while, but that's usually a good thing. I tend to post more when I need to vent or something is bothering me. I almost wish I could post the happy things, but sometimes I just want to keep them to myself.
I am posting today for both reasons, I had quite the range of emotions last night......
Jesse had his first t-ball practice at 6pm. He just turned 5 and is in the 5-6 year old T-Ball. Since he literally JUST turned 5, I am guessing he's one of the younger ones, but most of these kids have never played before on a team. I got home from work at 5pm, as usual. Thinking ahead I ask Jesse and Paul where his glove is. Last time I saw it was when I brought it in the house from the truck after the t-ball meeting last Thursday evening. Neither of them know where it is, so we all start looking. Our house isn't very big, so it didn't take long before we looked literally everywhere, we begin going back to places we've already looked. It's now 20 minutes to 6 and we need to leave in 5 minutes. I am about ready to run to Target for a new one and Paul is telling Jesse if he doesn't find it, no T-ball and he's taking the Wii away until next winter. Now I am getting upset, because I really don't think that's fair, but understand my husbands frustration and feeling the need to punish. by 5:45, I had officially given up looking. I am telling myself that I can talk Paul out of cancelling t-ball for Jesse. There's another practice on Friday, we can get him caught up. The kid just turned 5, kids can not be trusted at that age.
"I found it!" I hear my husband call from the other room. "Oh, where was it?"
"Under the sofa cushion."
I scan back through my memory of Thursday night, I recall my husband telling my son to sit on his glove so he can catch easier. He admits he put it under the couch cushion, but said he took it out and that Jesse must have put it back. I find this hard to believe. I think he's saying that so he's not the asshole (which now I am thinking he is). We leave for practice and arrive 10 minutes late. It wasn't an issue and I am happy t-ball isn't being taken away from my son. He's only 5 once and I don't want to take these things away from him. Taking the Wii is one thing, I am ok with that, but children need sports and other activities so they can be kids.
Practice started and I see my kid goofing off. Great. I have the class clown. I yell at him once from the sidelines and my husband reminds me to not be that parent. I back off and keep my mouth shut. I don't want to be that parent, so I welcomed the reminder. It becomes Jesse's turn to bat and I am telling myself, "Please listen to your coach and pay attention." Much to my surprise, he does..... then hits the ball out of the infield! What?!? Did that really just happen?? Yes, yes it did. The other parents on the sidelines are cheering. My heart is filled with pride. Next ball he misses. Then he hits another one! A pop up to the outfield, the parents all cheer again! The coach is letting every child get 2 hits, so this meant his turn is over. The coach puts him at short stop. The next 2 batters hit their balls directly to him. He fumbles a bit, but gets the ball over to first base. He starts goofing off again and now he's making all the parents laugh. Ok, I am glad he's amusing, I just hope this goofing off doesn't last. If he's not paying attention, the kid's gonna get hurt.
I am posting today for both reasons, I had quite the range of emotions last night......
Jesse had his first t-ball practice at 6pm. He just turned 5 and is in the 5-6 year old T-Ball. Since he literally JUST turned 5, I am guessing he's one of the younger ones, but most of these kids have never played before on a team. I got home from work at 5pm, as usual. Thinking ahead I ask Jesse and Paul where his glove is. Last time I saw it was when I brought it in the house from the truck after the t-ball meeting last Thursday evening. Neither of them know where it is, so we all start looking. Our house isn't very big, so it didn't take long before we looked literally everywhere, we begin going back to places we've already looked. It's now 20 minutes to 6 and we need to leave in 5 minutes. I am about ready to run to Target for a new one and Paul is telling Jesse if he doesn't find it, no T-ball and he's taking the Wii away until next winter. Now I am getting upset, because I really don't think that's fair, but understand my husbands frustration and feeling the need to punish. by 5:45, I had officially given up looking. I am telling myself that I can talk Paul out of cancelling t-ball for Jesse. There's another practice on Friday, we can get him caught up. The kid just turned 5, kids can not be trusted at that age.
"I found it!" I hear my husband call from the other room. "Oh, where was it?"
"Under the sofa cushion."
I scan back through my memory of Thursday night, I recall my husband telling my son to sit on his glove so he can catch easier. He admits he put it under the couch cushion, but said he took it out and that Jesse must have put it back. I find this hard to believe. I think he's saying that so he's not the asshole (which now I am thinking he is). We leave for practice and arrive 10 minutes late. It wasn't an issue and I am happy t-ball isn't being taken away from my son. He's only 5 once and I don't want to take these things away from him. Taking the Wii is one thing, I am ok with that, but children need sports and other activities so they can be kids.
Practice started and I see my kid goofing off. Great. I have the class clown. I yell at him once from the sidelines and my husband reminds me to not be that parent. I back off and keep my mouth shut. I don't want to be that parent, so I welcomed the reminder. It becomes Jesse's turn to bat and I am telling myself, "Please listen to your coach and pay attention." Much to my surprise, he does..... then hits the ball out of the infield! What?!? Did that really just happen?? Yes, yes it did. The other parents on the sidelines are cheering. My heart is filled with pride. Next ball he misses. Then he hits another one! A pop up to the outfield, the parents all cheer again! The coach is letting every child get 2 hits, so this meant his turn is over. The coach puts him at short stop. The next 2 batters hit their balls directly to him. He fumbles a bit, but gets the ball over to first base. He starts goofing off again and now he's making all the parents laugh. Ok, I am glad he's amusing, I just hope this goofing off doesn't last. If he's not paying attention, the kid's gonna get hurt.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Pills are Bad
This past weekend was an absolute nightmare. I don't even know where I should begin. I can't start from the beginning because the outcome may seem obvious, but it's certainly not obvious when you are living it.
The story begins on Monday, but I will start on Friday. My husband and I purchased tickets to The Great American Nightmare for opening night. A favorite of ours, Rob Zombie, designed 3 haunted houses based off his movies and was playing a concert for opening night. We had been looking forward to this since we bought the tickets a while back. I hadn't been feeling well most of the day, but I wanted to have a good time, so I tried to get past it. We headed to the venue. We got there with no issue, parked and got our wristbands and free t-shirts. We went back to the car to drop the shirts off and tailgate a little, then got in line. I only had one beer prior, because I wasn't feeling well. We weren't sure of the order of things, if we do the haunted house first or the concert, none of the information we got stated this. We got inside and were filtered into the concert area, so that answered the question of what came first, clearly it was the concert. Paul asked me to ask someone what was going on, but I thought it was pretty clear. I found a spot I liked but Paul wanted to walk around. I told him to go ahead since I wasn't feeling well. He didn't want to go without me. He insisted I leave my spot and venture around with him. I complied since we had been there for a while and nothing was happening, except for some crappy DJ guy. He asked me again to find out what was going on and my reply this time was if he wanted to know so bad that he should ask someone himself. For whatever reason, he wasn't going to ask. We found the outdoor bar and smoking section. I must say this was nice since it was starting to get hot inside as the people filed in.
While we were outside, he asked me again to find out what was going on. At this point I am annoyed because I was just going with the flow. He was being a bit paranoid about knowing what was going on. He made some small talk with a biker guy, yet didn't ask him what was going on. Then we heard Rob Zombie start, so it became even more clear, what was going on.
I enjoyed the concert once I found a spot I could see from. Paul was bent over the fact that people were taking pictures and videos from their phones and that they weren't as into it as he was. Rob Zombie put on a great show as always. After the show we retreated back to the outside area to cool off. Again, I was asked by Paul what was going on next. I told him we need to get in line for the haunted house. He asked what line. To me it appeared there was only one line. After a beer we went back inside where this line is. The place was a mess, most people didn't know where their line was because the initial line to get in was separated by GA, VIP 1 and VIP 2. At this point, it was just one line, so I got in it. Once again, Paul wants to know what's going on, this time he's pretty angry. I tell him to just get in line, he's refusing. He begins to yell at me. I don't even remember what he said at this point because he was literally humiliating me in front of a crowd of people. This is not something he does, this was not my husband. I saw an evil look in his eyes. He made a threat to leave. I walk away and ask the security guy what's going on and where's the line to the haunted house. He points to the line I just stepped out of and says he really doesn't know what's going on, that this is a total mess. Exactly what I thought. I turn around and Paul is gone. He sends me a mean text and says the keys are at the car.
My husband left me! I was in shock that this was happening. He's never left me anywhere. I got back in line, hoping this was just a threat and he'd come back. I wait and wait. I text a mutual friend, he hasn't heard from him. I text Paul again, nothing. I'm not leaving, I paid for these tickets and I am going to at least use mine and not let Paul ruin my night, even though I am now alone, in line to go through a haunted house, alone.
I made it through the haunted house with some people who took me in, they were actually cool people. I head to the car, hoping he's there. I see evidence that he was there, but alas, he's gone. I'm not shocked, but more disappointed. I have no idea where to even begin to look for him.
While I was in line waiting for the haunted house, I had nothing but time to think. The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is the new meds he's on. The previous Monday, Paul started taking Chantix to quit smoking. There are warnings that this drug can make a person have mood changes and irritability, specifically when there's a history of mental disorders. Paul has never been diagnosed with anything like that. He's had depression and anxiety in the past, but it was always situational (meaning that this is the result of a specific situation or occurrence). This had to be what's going on with him.
It's 1am. I pull out of the parking lot and start to look for him walking and start making my way towards the highway. I don't see him anywhere. I drove through a few gas stations, late night restaurants and even the bar we talked about going to after the event. No where to be found. I text him again offering a truce and a ride home, nothing. I call, nothing. I get on the highway in direction of home. As I get close to home, I am hoping he took a cab and is there. Even if he's mad, I don't care, I just want him home safe. It's almost 2am, I pull in, he's not there. I call our mutual friend again to talk about the situation. He did hear from him, Paul mentioned something about a hotel or a taxi. At least I know he's not wandering the streets aimlessly and delusional. I send Paul another text offering to pick him up, nothing. There's nothing more I can do, so I go to bed. At 4am, I get a text that he's home and going to sleep in the garage and not to bother him. At least he's home and I don't have to file a missing person's report the next night.
I go to pick up my son from my sister's house the following morning and I get another text from him that states, "I won't be taking that medication today. Clearly it is affecting me and I can't handle it." Thankfully he recognized this. I was afraid I would be the one telling him and feared that he wouldn't believe me. After I got home he told me he took a cab home after going to a bar and trying to find a hotel room (most hotels were booked in the area due to the event). He was manic the whole night and this turned into a full blown psychotic episode. He has chunks of time missing from his memory. He said he got home and was hallucinating. Lights were flashing and tarantulas were crawling up his legs. Something in him was telling him to kill himself, but his conscious was fighting him not to. I thank God that he had conscious to tell him not to.
We are lucky to have come out of this unscathed. It could have been disastrous. I could have lost my husband and the father of my child because he was trying to better his life by quitting smoking. If this reaction happens to people, should doctors be writing scripts for this so freely? Maybe there should be a mental evaluation first? Do people really commit suicide because they are taking this medication? Yes, it does happen and I was lucky that it didn't happen to my husband and our family.
The story begins on Monday, but I will start on Friday. My husband and I purchased tickets to The Great American Nightmare for opening night. A favorite of ours, Rob Zombie, designed 3 haunted houses based off his movies and was playing a concert for opening night. We had been looking forward to this since we bought the tickets a while back. I hadn't been feeling well most of the day, but I wanted to have a good time, so I tried to get past it. We headed to the venue. We got there with no issue, parked and got our wristbands and free t-shirts. We went back to the car to drop the shirts off and tailgate a little, then got in line. I only had one beer prior, because I wasn't feeling well. We weren't sure of the order of things, if we do the haunted house first or the concert, none of the information we got stated this. We got inside and were filtered into the concert area, so that answered the question of what came first, clearly it was the concert. Paul asked me to ask someone what was going on, but I thought it was pretty clear. I found a spot I liked but Paul wanted to walk around. I told him to go ahead since I wasn't feeling well. He didn't want to go without me. He insisted I leave my spot and venture around with him. I complied since we had been there for a while and nothing was happening, except for some crappy DJ guy. He asked me again to find out what was going on and my reply this time was if he wanted to know so bad that he should ask someone himself. For whatever reason, he wasn't going to ask. We found the outdoor bar and smoking section. I must say this was nice since it was starting to get hot inside as the people filed in.
While we were outside, he asked me again to find out what was going on. At this point I am annoyed because I was just going with the flow. He was being a bit paranoid about knowing what was going on. He made some small talk with a biker guy, yet didn't ask him what was going on. Then we heard Rob Zombie start, so it became even more clear, what was going on.
I enjoyed the concert once I found a spot I could see from. Paul was bent over the fact that people were taking pictures and videos from their phones and that they weren't as into it as he was. Rob Zombie put on a great show as always. After the show we retreated back to the outside area to cool off. Again, I was asked by Paul what was going on next. I told him we need to get in line for the haunted house. He asked what line. To me it appeared there was only one line. After a beer we went back inside where this line is. The place was a mess, most people didn't know where their line was because the initial line to get in was separated by GA, VIP 1 and VIP 2. At this point, it was just one line, so I got in it. Once again, Paul wants to know what's going on, this time he's pretty angry. I tell him to just get in line, he's refusing. He begins to yell at me. I don't even remember what he said at this point because he was literally humiliating me in front of a crowd of people. This is not something he does, this was not my husband. I saw an evil look in his eyes. He made a threat to leave. I walk away and ask the security guy what's going on and where's the line to the haunted house. He points to the line I just stepped out of and says he really doesn't know what's going on, that this is a total mess. Exactly what I thought. I turn around and Paul is gone. He sends me a mean text and says the keys are at the car.
My husband left me! I was in shock that this was happening. He's never left me anywhere. I got back in line, hoping this was just a threat and he'd come back. I wait and wait. I text a mutual friend, he hasn't heard from him. I text Paul again, nothing. I'm not leaving, I paid for these tickets and I am going to at least use mine and not let Paul ruin my night, even though I am now alone, in line to go through a haunted house, alone.
I made it through the haunted house with some people who took me in, they were actually cool people. I head to the car, hoping he's there. I see evidence that he was there, but alas, he's gone. I'm not shocked, but more disappointed. I have no idea where to even begin to look for him.
While I was in line waiting for the haunted house, I had nothing but time to think. The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is the new meds he's on. The previous Monday, Paul started taking Chantix to quit smoking. There are warnings that this drug can make a person have mood changes and irritability, specifically when there's a history of mental disorders. Paul has never been diagnosed with anything like that. He's had depression and anxiety in the past, but it was always situational (meaning that this is the result of a specific situation or occurrence). This had to be what's going on with him.
It's 1am. I pull out of the parking lot and start to look for him walking and start making my way towards the highway. I don't see him anywhere. I drove through a few gas stations, late night restaurants and even the bar we talked about going to after the event. No where to be found. I text him again offering a truce and a ride home, nothing. I call, nothing. I get on the highway in direction of home. As I get close to home, I am hoping he took a cab and is there. Even if he's mad, I don't care, I just want him home safe. It's almost 2am, I pull in, he's not there. I call our mutual friend again to talk about the situation. He did hear from him, Paul mentioned something about a hotel or a taxi. At least I know he's not wandering the streets aimlessly and delusional. I send Paul another text offering to pick him up, nothing. There's nothing more I can do, so I go to bed. At 4am, I get a text that he's home and going to sleep in the garage and not to bother him. At least he's home and I don't have to file a missing person's report the next night.
I go to pick up my son from my sister's house the following morning and I get another text from him that states, "I won't be taking that medication today. Clearly it is affecting me and I can't handle it." Thankfully he recognized this. I was afraid I would be the one telling him and feared that he wouldn't believe me. After I got home he told me he took a cab home after going to a bar and trying to find a hotel room (most hotels were booked in the area due to the event). He was manic the whole night and this turned into a full blown psychotic episode. He has chunks of time missing from his memory. He said he got home and was hallucinating. Lights were flashing and tarantulas were crawling up his legs. Something in him was telling him to kill himself, but his conscious was fighting him not to. I thank God that he had conscious to tell him not to.
We are lucky to have come out of this unscathed. It could have been disastrous. I could have lost my husband and the father of my child because he was trying to better his life by quitting smoking. If this reaction happens to people, should doctors be writing scripts for this so freely? Maybe there should be a mental evaluation first? Do people really commit suicide because they are taking this medication? Yes, it does happen and I was lucky that it didn't happen to my husband and our family.
I read an article today from November 2013 that states, "In the last five years, 544 suicides and 1,869 attempted suicides have
been reported to the FDA as “adverse events” in connection with Chantix,
according to documents obtained by America Tonight under the Freedom of
Information Act."
Monday, September 22, 2014
Working Mom
Being a Mom isn't easy. Every Mom knows this. Being a working Mom is hard, really, really hard. Last March I took a job that I wanted and desperately needed.
I lost my job the previous October. That job was going downhill anyway, a year and a half earlier my schedule changed to part time. I picked up a waitress job to make up my lost income. Surprisingly, this was a good situation. My once full time job was continuing my insurance and since the waitress job was mostly weekend nights, it gave me extra time with my son. Last July the restaurant closed and my nearly perfect job situation came to an end. I picked up a part time office job. Then in October the company I worked at for 10 years let me go, so I was back to one part time job. I then got another part time job doing Photography, but these 2 jobs weren't getting the bills paid as well, but we were managing. In January of this year, my husband stopped getting work comp checks, so something needed to be done. I started my job search again, in the industry I had been working in for 10 years.
I had several interviews and no job offers that were really worthy, until this one. I now have a great full time job, awesome benefits, paid time off, 401k, good insurance, the works. Only problem, it's 30 miles away in heavy Chicago rush hour traffic. If you've ever been to Chicago during rush hour, you know what I am talking about. Basically, it can take 1-3 hours to get anywhere and no part of driving between 3pm and 6pm is easy. My commute averages between 45 minutes and an hour. I start at 7am and I am done at 4pm, so therefor I am gone from 6am to 5pm, 11 hours a day.
My husband doesn't work, he can't work due to his back injury. He's been a stay at home Dad since he recovered from his last surgery that was in March of 2013. On the outside this seems not far out of the ordinary in this day and age. A child is home with his father, instead of his mother. He's home with a parent. Yes, this is true. But a child has a different bond with his Mother than with his Father. I can't really explain the difference, I just know it's there. Maybe it's because he grew inside of me, maybe it's because a Mother has more nurturing qualities, I'm not sure. Also, my son was small when I was working full time before and was less conscious of my absence on a daily basis. All his needs were being fulfilled. Now, I see my absence effecting him, plus, he tells me. Sometimes before bed he looks at me with his beautiful big blue eyes and says, "Mommy, I don't want you to go to work tomorrow. I want you to wake me up in the morning." When he says this it seriously breaks my heart to pieces. But what can I do? My husband can't work, so I do. I make enough money to get our bills paid. I support my family. I am proud of this accomplishment. Not a lot of families can be supported on one income these days, but I am doing it.
I cherish my evening and weekend time with my family. Sometimes I wish things were different, but this is what it is and this is what it needs to be for now. Paul has some job opportunities on the horizon. I am not sure if anything will pan out or if his body is even capable, we will see how the cards unfold.
I lost my job the previous October. That job was going downhill anyway, a year and a half earlier my schedule changed to part time. I picked up a waitress job to make up my lost income. Surprisingly, this was a good situation. My once full time job was continuing my insurance and since the waitress job was mostly weekend nights, it gave me extra time with my son. Last July the restaurant closed and my nearly perfect job situation came to an end. I picked up a part time office job. Then in October the company I worked at for 10 years let me go, so I was back to one part time job. I then got another part time job doing Photography, but these 2 jobs weren't getting the bills paid as well, but we were managing. In January of this year, my husband stopped getting work comp checks, so something needed to be done. I started my job search again, in the industry I had been working in for 10 years.
I had several interviews and no job offers that were really worthy, until this one. I now have a great full time job, awesome benefits, paid time off, 401k, good insurance, the works. Only problem, it's 30 miles away in heavy Chicago rush hour traffic. If you've ever been to Chicago during rush hour, you know what I am talking about. Basically, it can take 1-3 hours to get anywhere and no part of driving between 3pm and 6pm is easy. My commute averages between 45 minutes and an hour. I start at 7am and I am done at 4pm, so therefor I am gone from 6am to 5pm, 11 hours a day.
My husband doesn't work, he can't work due to his back injury. He's been a stay at home Dad since he recovered from his last surgery that was in March of 2013. On the outside this seems not far out of the ordinary in this day and age. A child is home with his father, instead of his mother. He's home with a parent. Yes, this is true. But a child has a different bond with his Mother than with his Father. I can't really explain the difference, I just know it's there. Maybe it's because he grew inside of me, maybe it's because a Mother has more nurturing qualities, I'm not sure. Also, my son was small when I was working full time before and was less conscious of my absence on a daily basis. All his needs were being fulfilled. Now, I see my absence effecting him, plus, he tells me. Sometimes before bed he looks at me with his beautiful big blue eyes and says, "Mommy, I don't want you to go to work tomorrow. I want you to wake me up in the morning." When he says this it seriously breaks my heart to pieces. But what can I do? My husband can't work, so I do. I make enough money to get our bills paid. I support my family. I am proud of this accomplishment. Not a lot of families can be supported on one income these days, but I am doing it.
I cherish my evening and weekend time with my family. Sometimes I wish things were different, but this is what it is and this is what it needs to be for now. Paul has some job opportunities on the horizon. I am not sure if anything will pan out or if his body is even capable, we will see how the cards unfold.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Uncle Scott Update
My sister and I met for dinner last Thursday. We opted for sushi since we didn't have the kids or husbands. It was nice to have dinner with just my sister, it doesn't happen often.
After dinner we went to my Uncle Scott's house. People were there, family and friends. Everyone knew the end was near. My sister and I went into his bedroom alone. He was sleeping, likely from the Morphine. We gently woke him up and told him we were there, he mumbled, "Oh, I get a little piece of Kelly and Megan", he mumbled a few more things we couldn't understand, then fell back to sleep.
After my sister left I went back in. I held his hand and said, "I love you" and he replied, "I love you too", then again fell back to sleep. That was the last time I saw him and will ever see him again. Sunday morning, around 8am, my uncle passed away.
His soul will shine forever in our hearts.
After dinner we went to my Uncle Scott's house. People were there, family and friends. Everyone knew the end was near. My sister and I went into his bedroom alone. He was sleeping, likely from the Morphine. We gently woke him up and told him we were there, he mumbled, "Oh, I get a little piece of Kelly and Megan", he mumbled a few more things we couldn't understand, then fell back to sleep.
After my sister left I went back in. I held his hand and said, "I love you" and he replied, "I love you too", then again fell back to sleep. That was the last time I saw him and will ever see him again. Sunday morning, around 8am, my uncle passed away.
His soul will shine forever in our hearts.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Uncle Scott
I think it was this past March when I found out my Uncle Scott was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This is my Dad's brother. My Dad's family is pretty close. There are 7 of them, ranging in age from 52-70. When I heard the news of his diagnosis, I was sad, I became aware of his mortality, but it's still hard to believe.
My Uncle's had his ups and downs in life. I remember him being around my house a lot as a kid. Him and my Dad always had some kind of project they were working on. It seemed like mostly cars. I knew he drank, seemed like he always wanted to have a good time. I remember him chasing me around my house. He was a handy guy, knew a lot about carpentry and mechanics, just like my Dad and Grandfather. He married his true love, I remember their wedding day. I think I was about 14 years old. They had 2 kids, Tyler and Kelsey. I was in my late teens so it was kind of fun having 2 younger cousins. My parents and I often babysat them. It was fun.
My aunt and uncle never really had it easy. They've both struggled with alcohol addiction (I think drugs too, don't really know for sure), Tyler had brain surgery when he was 3 and Kelsey was born pre-maturely. They live in the house my Grandfather built, in Westmont. Kelsey and Tyler both graduated high school, Kelsey got pregnant before she finished and had a son, Brayden. They both started using heroin before the age of 21. Tyler is now in jail and Kelsey is trying to stay clean.
This week there was an update on Uncle Scott's condition. He's nearing the end of his battle with cancer. At this point his passing would be a blessing. He has a lot of pain. I was going to stop by yesterday after work, but I just couldn't do it. I called my sister instead and told her about my struggles. I want to see him because this will likely be the last time I see him alive, but on the other hand I don't want to see him like this. I know he doesn't look well, he looks like a person dying of cancer. He probably wouldn't know I am there because he's heavily medicated, he will likely be sleeping. I think I should see him before he's gone. I don't want to regret it if I don't. My sister is going to go with me tonight. I don't think I can do this alone.
My Uncle's had his ups and downs in life. I remember him being around my house a lot as a kid. Him and my Dad always had some kind of project they were working on. It seemed like mostly cars. I knew he drank, seemed like he always wanted to have a good time. I remember him chasing me around my house. He was a handy guy, knew a lot about carpentry and mechanics, just like my Dad and Grandfather. He married his true love, I remember their wedding day. I think I was about 14 years old. They had 2 kids, Tyler and Kelsey. I was in my late teens so it was kind of fun having 2 younger cousins. My parents and I often babysat them. It was fun.
My aunt and uncle never really had it easy. They've both struggled with alcohol addiction (I think drugs too, don't really know for sure), Tyler had brain surgery when he was 3 and Kelsey was born pre-maturely. They live in the house my Grandfather built, in Westmont. Kelsey and Tyler both graduated high school, Kelsey got pregnant before she finished and had a son, Brayden. They both started using heroin before the age of 21. Tyler is now in jail and Kelsey is trying to stay clean.
This week there was an update on Uncle Scott's condition. He's nearing the end of his battle with cancer. At this point his passing would be a blessing. He has a lot of pain. I was going to stop by yesterday after work, but I just couldn't do it. I called my sister instead and told her about my struggles. I want to see him because this will likely be the last time I see him alive, but on the other hand I don't want to see him like this. I know he doesn't look well, he looks like a person dying of cancer. He probably wouldn't know I am there because he's heavily medicated, he will likely be sleeping. I think I should see him before he's gone. I don't want to regret it if I don't. My sister is going to go with me tonight. I don't think I can do this alone.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
This Kid
Lately I have been seeing stories on TV, the internet and in blogs about kids dying. Kids dying from cancer, getting hit by cars, being killed by strangers and family members, school shootings, accidental shootings etc. To be perfectly honest, this scares the living shit out of me.
For instance, I recently read 2 stories about 2 families that both lost one of their children to cancer at age 5; a Grandmother that killed her 5 month old grandchild with a sledgehammer and carving knife; a 3 year old that shot his 18 month old sibling with a neighbors gun; a 3 year old boy who ran into the street for his Frisbee and got hit by a truck; and on Saturday one of my sister's 7th grade students was found with a self inflicted gunshot wound, it was ruled an accident.
I can only protect my child so much without being paranoid. I still have to let him be a kid. I still have to let him go out in public, go to school, participate in park district activities, go to other people's homes and trust he's in a safe environment. But will he be? How will I know that when he's at someone's house that they have their gun safely locked away? How will I know that a car won't drive by and randomly shoot him? How will I know that he won't just cross a street without looking? How do I know he won't be a victim in a tragic event?
After finding out my sisters student's death was ruled an accident, the first thought that crossed my mind was, "Wow, I can't believe his parents didn't have their gun locked away so this wouldn't have happened." Then my second thought was, "Is my gun even safely locked away?" The second I got home I asked my husband this question, and yes, the gun is locked away where my son could never find it. Whew! At least he's protected from guns in MY home. But there's so much more.
I think I am additionally paranoid because of the fact that he's my only child. I'm sure it's no easier losing a child if you have more than one child, but if you have more than one, you can shift your focus and you are still a parent. If I ever lost my child, that's it, game over. I will NEVER be a parent again. Is this enough of a reason to have another child? I think not. I am not going to have another kid as back up. That just makes no sense to me. Besides, I am getting too old to have more children now anyway.
I hate to sound like a negative nelly, but I also don't want to be naïve and think my child is invincible. I will do my best to keep him safe, but I will also do my best to make sure he lives life to the fullest.
This kid..... is my everything.
For instance, I recently read 2 stories about 2 families that both lost one of their children to cancer at age 5; a Grandmother that killed her 5 month old grandchild with a sledgehammer and carving knife; a 3 year old that shot his 18 month old sibling with a neighbors gun; a 3 year old boy who ran into the street for his Frisbee and got hit by a truck; and on Saturday one of my sister's 7th grade students was found with a self inflicted gunshot wound, it was ruled an accident.
I can only protect my child so much without being paranoid. I still have to let him be a kid. I still have to let him go out in public, go to school, participate in park district activities, go to other people's homes and trust he's in a safe environment. But will he be? How will I know that when he's at someone's house that they have their gun safely locked away? How will I know that a car won't drive by and randomly shoot him? How will I know that he won't just cross a street without looking? How do I know he won't be a victim in a tragic event?
After finding out my sisters student's death was ruled an accident, the first thought that crossed my mind was, "Wow, I can't believe his parents didn't have their gun locked away so this wouldn't have happened." Then my second thought was, "Is my gun even safely locked away?" The second I got home I asked my husband this question, and yes, the gun is locked away where my son could never find it. Whew! At least he's protected from guns in MY home. But there's so much more.
I think I am additionally paranoid because of the fact that he's my only child. I'm sure it's no easier losing a child if you have more than one child, but if you have more than one, you can shift your focus and you are still a parent. If I ever lost my child, that's it, game over. I will NEVER be a parent again. Is this enough of a reason to have another child? I think not. I am not going to have another kid as back up. That just makes no sense to me. Besides, I am getting too old to have more children now anyway.
I hate to sound like a negative nelly, but I also don't want to be naïve and think my child is invincible. I will do my best to keep him safe, but I will also do my best to make sure he lives life to the fullest.
This kid..... is my everything.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
This is MY Life
Something is bothering me so of course I feel the need to blog about it. First things first, things in general are going great. My new job is good, much stress has been lifted and overall I have a new attitude. The only remaining source of stress is now derived by my in laws.
The past several months have been awkward with the in laws. We have attempted to get together with them, but we get denied. We never heard from them about Easter plans, so we did our own thing. Paul saw his brother the night before Easter and no plans were brought up but it was mentioned that there was a family issue. Paul's brother would not go into detail about said issue(s). Then Mother's Day rolled around. We made our own plans because again, no family plans were mentioned to us. Jesse made his Grandmother a gift and a card so we decided to stop by and drop these off. We showed up. It was obvious plans were made with Paul's parents and Paul's sister and her family. Yet again, nothing was mentioned to us. Upon our arrival, my in laws appeared to be in shock that we showed up. They scrambled. Paul's mother said something about not having enough food prepared to serve us dinner, but Paul told her we wouldn't be staying for dinner. Then she pulled a box of chocolates out of her fridge and acted like they were for me, which they clearly were not. She just had nothing else to give me because she was not expecting us to come by. Honestly, this amused me a little.
Since we made other plans for Jesse's birthday and did not see family, we decided to have a BBQ over Memorial Day weekend. I sent my in laws a save the date several weeks ago and email invitations about a week and a half before the party. It was like pulling teeth to get answers on if they were coming. I finally got rsvp's from them. Paul's brother replied yes, then changed his reply to a maybe. My MIL said yes and that she was bringing an appetizer and Jill said no because her furniture was being delivered and her children were out of town.
Paul's parents did come, it didn't seem like they were there very long, she didn't bring an appetizer like she said she would, she brought a small container of potato salad. What I really needed and planned on was an appetizer. She also brought her dog. I would have appreciated a heads up because my dog isn't social with other dogs and it appeared my dog could have and would have attacked her dog at any given moment in time. Luckily, that did not happen.
Paul's brother arrived late, all of our guests had left (and most left early, might I add). He opened up more about the family issues. Apparently, the family does not like that we do not initiate family get-togethers. Yes, I agree that this is something we do not do, but why are we being criticized for something the rest of the family is doing also (or lack thereof). We don't get invites and apparently we are expected to either invite ourselves or just show up.
On Mother's Day we saw what happened when we just showed up. Paul and I aren't the kind of people that invite ourselves over. If you want us around, call and invite us. If you want to see my kid, call me and plan something. If you have an issue with how we do things, talk to us. Something that was said was that we only take Jesse to my in laws house when we need someone to watch him. This in fact, is true. Well, let me correct that and say this WAS true. It's no longer the case. I stopped calling my MIL to watch my son when she told my husband she doesn't babysit children who are 3 and not potty trained. Sorry I didn't have my kid on her potty training timeline. According to her, my husband was potty trained by 18 months so of course my son is expected to do the same (despite the fact that he's had 2 surgeries that delayed his development). She has watched my son since he's been potty trained (once, maybe twice) and apparently it's an issue that he still wets the bed. So again, I stopped calling the in laws for a babysitter. The reason I don't dump my kid off on her when I don't need a babysitter is because I want to spend my time with him. I work full time, why would I give him to someone else when I can spend my time with him, hence why I call her only when I need a babysitter. I thought she/they would enjoy watching my son, apparently I was wrong. I guess they only want to see him when I don't need them to and only when I initiate it.
What strikes me funny is that my in laws bend over backwards to help Paul's sister. I do believe that Paul's Dad babysits the girls 3 times a week. This is just here-say, I do not know this as a fact. I also believe that they take the girls over weekends as well. Why is it ok for Paul's sister and her husband to have Nana and Papa take the kids when they need babysitters, but it's not ok for Paul and I?
I guess I don't know how the Grandparent dynamic should work. I only know what I have experienced in my own life. When I was very young, I lost my Grandfather on my Mom's side and my Grandmother on my Dad's side. Due to the loss of my Grandfather, my Grandmother moved in with my family. She had an in-law apartment that was part of the house I grew up in. My Grandfather on my Dad's side was ill most of my life. My parents spent their time with my sister and I. They rarely got a babysitter. If they did need a babysitter, my Grandmother was there. In my life, there was no such thing as going to Grandma's for the day, night or weekend. My husband has shred with me his Grandparent experiences. It seems as though he went to his Grandparents houses quite often, quite possibly even every weekend. I am not sure why. His parents were young parents, maybe they needed that time to themselves or for a break from kids? I honestly don't know. I am not sure Paul knows either. He does know that he spent a lot of time with them.
I had my son at 34. I had done all I felt I needed to do in my 20's and early 30's before I had a child (which is partially why I waited until my 30's to become a Mother). Now is my time to be a Mother and being a Mother is what I am doing. I also work full time. I am out of the house 12 hours a day, so when I arrive home, I like to spend time with my child and my husband, same goes for weekends. I value the time I get with my child. When both our parents were raising their children, times were much different. Fathers worked and supplied income for the home, Mothers took care of the children and the home. Not only is society much different now, but so is the family dynamic, especially for us. I am the parent working full time to provide income. I also come home and I am a Mother until I leave the next morning for work again. This is a decision I made based on the fact that this is what's best for my family. If I don't offer my son to come to your house, don't be upset with me, just know that I am spending as much time with my son and husband as I can. It's not anything personal against anyone else. I don't take advantage of life, I live each day as if I may not have another day. So pardon me if I am not doing this the way anyone else wants it done. This is MY life and I will live it as I wish.
The past several months have been awkward with the in laws. We have attempted to get together with them, but we get denied. We never heard from them about Easter plans, so we did our own thing. Paul saw his brother the night before Easter and no plans were brought up but it was mentioned that there was a family issue. Paul's brother would not go into detail about said issue(s). Then Mother's Day rolled around. We made our own plans because again, no family plans were mentioned to us. Jesse made his Grandmother a gift and a card so we decided to stop by and drop these off. We showed up. It was obvious plans were made with Paul's parents and Paul's sister and her family. Yet again, nothing was mentioned to us. Upon our arrival, my in laws appeared to be in shock that we showed up. They scrambled. Paul's mother said something about not having enough food prepared to serve us dinner, but Paul told her we wouldn't be staying for dinner. Then she pulled a box of chocolates out of her fridge and acted like they were for me, which they clearly were not. She just had nothing else to give me because she was not expecting us to come by. Honestly, this amused me a little.
Since we made other plans for Jesse's birthday and did not see family, we decided to have a BBQ over Memorial Day weekend. I sent my in laws a save the date several weeks ago and email invitations about a week and a half before the party. It was like pulling teeth to get answers on if they were coming. I finally got rsvp's from them. Paul's brother replied yes, then changed his reply to a maybe. My MIL said yes and that she was bringing an appetizer and Jill said no because her furniture was being delivered and her children were out of town.
Paul's parents did come, it didn't seem like they were there very long, she didn't bring an appetizer like she said she would, she brought a small container of potato salad. What I really needed and planned on was an appetizer. She also brought her dog. I would have appreciated a heads up because my dog isn't social with other dogs and it appeared my dog could have and would have attacked her dog at any given moment in time. Luckily, that did not happen.
Paul's brother arrived late, all of our guests had left (and most left early, might I add). He opened up more about the family issues. Apparently, the family does not like that we do not initiate family get-togethers. Yes, I agree that this is something we do not do, but why are we being criticized for something the rest of the family is doing also (or lack thereof). We don't get invites and apparently we are expected to either invite ourselves or just show up.
On Mother's Day we saw what happened when we just showed up. Paul and I aren't the kind of people that invite ourselves over. If you want us around, call and invite us. If you want to see my kid, call me and plan something. If you have an issue with how we do things, talk to us. Something that was said was that we only take Jesse to my in laws house when we need someone to watch him. This in fact, is true. Well, let me correct that and say this WAS true. It's no longer the case. I stopped calling my MIL to watch my son when she told my husband she doesn't babysit children who are 3 and not potty trained. Sorry I didn't have my kid on her potty training timeline. According to her, my husband was potty trained by 18 months so of course my son is expected to do the same (despite the fact that he's had 2 surgeries that delayed his development). She has watched my son since he's been potty trained (once, maybe twice) and apparently it's an issue that he still wets the bed. So again, I stopped calling the in laws for a babysitter. The reason I don't dump my kid off on her when I don't need a babysitter is because I want to spend my time with him. I work full time, why would I give him to someone else when I can spend my time with him, hence why I call her only when I need a babysitter. I thought she/they would enjoy watching my son, apparently I was wrong. I guess they only want to see him when I don't need them to and only when I initiate it.
What strikes me funny is that my in laws bend over backwards to help Paul's sister. I do believe that Paul's Dad babysits the girls 3 times a week. This is just here-say, I do not know this as a fact. I also believe that they take the girls over weekends as well. Why is it ok for Paul's sister and her husband to have Nana and Papa take the kids when they need babysitters, but it's not ok for Paul and I?
I guess I don't know how the Grandparent dynamic should work. I only know what I have experienced in my own life. When I was very young, I lost my Grandfather on my Mom's side and my Grandmother on my Dad's side. Due to the loss of my Grandfather, my Grandmother moved in with my family. She had an in-law apartment that was part of the house I grew up in. My Grandfather on my Dad's side was ill most of my life. My parents spent their time with my sister and I. They rarely got a babysitter. If they did need a babysitter, my Grandmother was there. In my life, there was no such thing as going to Grandma's for the day, night or weekend. My husband has shred with me his Grandparent experiences. It seems as though he went to his Grandparents houses quite often, quite possibly even every weekend. I am not sure why. His parents were young parents, maybe they needed that time to themselves or for a break from kids? I honestly don't know. I am not sure Paul knows either. He does know that he spent a lot of time with them.
I had my son at 34. I had done all I felt I needed to do in my 20's and early 30's before I had a child (which is partially why I waited until my 30's to become a Mother). Now is my time to be a Mother and being a Mother is what I am doing. I also work full time. I am out of the house 12 hours a day, so when I arrive home, I like to spend time with my child and my husband, same goes for weekends. I value the time I get with my child. When both our parents were raising their children, times were much different. Fathers worked and supplied income for the home, Mothers took care of the children and the home. Not only is society much different now, but so is the family dynamic, especially for us. I am the parent working full time to provide income. I also come home and I am a Mother until I leave the next morning for work again. This is a decision I made based on the fact that this is what's best for my family. If I don't offer my son to come to your house, don't be upset with me, just know that I am spending as much time with my son and husband as I can. It's not anything personal against anyone else. I don't take advantage of life, I live each day as if I may not have another day. So pardon me if I am not doing this the way anyone else wants it done. This is MY life and I will live it as I wish.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Three Cousins, Three Birthdays
Jesse's Birthday is March 31st. His cousins, Faith and Christians, are a week before. This year since the weather has been crappy, we chose to post pone a party and head out to our timeshare by Starved Rock for the weekend. I must say, this was a good choice. We headed out Friday night, celebrated Faith's birthday (since it was that day), Saturday we went to the pool and the kids played in the condo (it was cold and crappy out), Sunday we went to breakfast then Starved Rock and Monday we headed back. A fun weekend had by all.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Good Things Happening
Last time I posed things looked pretty bleak. I was scared. Due to my fear I reached out to a company called Bella Baby Photography. They took the newborn photos of Jesse in the hospital when he was born. I thought it was a long shot, but it couldn't hurt to try and find out what they were all about. I sent a generic email to the company and low and behold, they were hiring and conducted a phone interview right away. A few days later I was in their studio for a formal face to face interview. They offered me a position on the spot. I was absolutely thrilled. The catch? They only hire for part time and there are no benefits. I figured since I didn't have anything else, that I would give this a try, I had nothing to loose. I was absolutely in love with the fact that I could call myself a professional photographer but I was also a bit scared about the newborn baby thing and living up to the Bella standards.
I went through the training with Bella for 2 days, I shadowed a photographer for one day and I worked with a senior photographer one day. After that, I was on my own! The initial plan was to do this for a while and eventually branch out in the Spring and start my own photography business. It was a good plan, but unfortunately, it just didn't happen that way. I loved my job with Bella. I loved working with the babies and the parents who were excited about their new bundle of joy, but the honest truth was that it was not getting the bills paid. This was the type of job that doesn't pay hourly, it's commission only. The newer photographers are scheduled at the slower hospitals that get a lot of customer declines while they get through the learning curve. It just wasn't enough. I got some additional training and I was getting good at this, but it just wasn't enough to support my family.
After the start of the new year I decided to start looking for full time work again. My idea about branching out and starting my own photography business was just not going to happen. We would starve and be homeless if I pursued that. Not saying I was incapable of running a successful business, I just didn't have the financial resources for the start up. I was contracted by a broker in the real estate community to help with some post broker even work. I happily accepted. By doing this side job, I was able to get names and contact information for over 600 professionals in the commercial real estate community. Many of them I knew of previously, but it's not an easy task recalling everyone you've ever met in the industry. This got my wheels turning as well and I started cold calling and emailing brokers and companies within the industry. I managed to procure 3 interviews from this. After one of my interviews, I met up with a good friend in the industry for lunch. After I told her about my prospects she asked me if I was interested in working for her company.... in Rosemont. There is a guy in her office that really needs help and they needed someone to do the general office management duties. Ouch, Rosemont is far from me. I told myself I wouldn't work in the city, Schaumburg or Rosemont. I would consider Schaumburg or Rosemont if the money was right. It would have to be worth it.
Some time went on and I thought a lot about working in Rosemont and my friend gave me a ballpark number as to what to expect as far as salary was concerned. I had a minimum number in my head and her estimate was pretty close to that. She told me that the girl in my position previously made just a hair short of the minimum I had in my head, then she told me that I had much more experience than her, so I should be able to make more. I told her that I was very interested and she would get the ball rolling. No one had been in this position for over a year and a half, that no one was really needed in the position until recently. They hadn't even put the position in the annual budget. I met with the man who the position would be under and we got along just fine. Then we got approval from the Vice President in the same office. Last step was getting corporate approval. Within a month of this just being an idea, it happened. I got an offer to work for this company and the salary met my minimum requirement. I took the job and I couldn't be happier with my decision. I had some other offers from the interviews I had before this came about, but those were $7-$10k per year less. Plus the hours were not flexible with the other company and I would be contributing to insurance, losing more income. The job I accepted has flexible hours (I can work 7-4 and avoid most of the rush hour traffic), insurance paid 100%, a small office (which is what I'm used to) and they are even giving me $276/month for an allowance (to use towards additional insurance, dependents or as taxable income).
I started last week and the company is great, the people are great and the commute isn't as bad as I thought. I think this is a step in the right direction. I'm happy things are finally going in a positive direction.
I went through the training with Bella for 2 days, I shadowed a photographer for one day and I worked with a senior photographer one day. After that, I was on my own! The initial plan was to do this for a while and eventually branch out in the Spring and start my own photography business. It was a good plan, but unfortunately, it just didn't happen that way. I loved my job with Bella. I loved working with the babies and the parents who were excited about their new bundle of joy, but the honest truth was that it was not getting the bills paid. This was the type of job that doesn't pay hourly, it's commission only. The newer photographers are scheduled at the slower hospitals that get a lot of customer declines while they get through the learning curve. It just wasn't enough. I got some additional training and I was getting good at this, but it just wasn't enough to support my family.
After the start of the new year I decided to start looking for full time work again. My idea about branching out and starting my own photography business was just not going to happen. We would starve and be homeless if I pursued that. Not saying I was incapable of running a successful business, I just didn't have the financial resources for the start up. I was contracted by a broker in the real estate community to help with some post broker even work. I happily accepted. By doing this side job, I was able to get names and contact information for over 600 professionals in the commercial real estate community. Many of them I knew of previously, but it's not an easy task recalling everyone you've ever met in the industry. This got my wheels turning as well and I started cold calling and emailing brokers and companies within the industry. I managed to procure 3 interviews from this. After one of my interviews, I met up with a good friend in the industry for lunch. After I told her about my prospects she asked me if I was interested in working for her company.... in Rosemont. There is a guy in her office that really needs help and they needed someone to do the general office management duties. Ouch, Rosemont is far from me. I told myself I wouldn't work in the city, Schaumburg or Rosemont. I would consider Schaumburg or Rosemont if the money was right. It would have to be worth it.
Some time went on and I thought a lot about working in Rosemont and my friend gave me a ballpark number as to what to expect as far as salary was concerned. I had a minimum number in my head and her estimate was pretty close to that. She told me that the girl in my position previously made just a hair short of the minimum I had in my head, then she told me that I had much more experience than her, so I should be able to make more. I told her that I was very interested and she would get the ball rolling. No one had been in this position for over a year and a half, that no one was really needed in the position until recently. They hadn't even put the position in the annual budget. I met with the man who the position would be under and we got along just fine. Then we got approval from the Vice President in the same office. Last step was getting corporate approval. Within a month of this just being an idea, it happened. I got an offer to work for this company and the salary met my minimum requirement. I took the job and I couldn't be happier with my decision. I had some other offers from the interviews I had before this came about, but those were $7-$10k per year less. Plus the hours were not flexible with the other company and I would be contributing to insurance, losing more income. The job I accepted has flexible hours (I can work 7-4 and avoid most of the rush hour traffic), insurance paid 100%, a small office (which is what I'm used to) and they are even giving me $276/month for an allowance (to use towards additional insurance, dependents or as taxable income).
I started last week and the company is great, the people are great and the commute isn't as bad as I thought. I think this is a step in the right direction. I'm happy things are finally going in a positive direction.
Friday, November 1, 2013
They Say Everything Happens for a Reason
It's been quite some time since I've written a blog. There have been lots of changes in my life, the world as I know it has changed. I lost my waitress job in the beginning of July, then at the end of September I lost my other job, that I've had for the past 12 years (minus 2 months).
The waitress job I lost because the restaurant closed down, we were given 2 weeks notice. It was sad and sucked, but it is what it is. Not much you can do when the owners decide to close.
At the beginning of August I started a new part time job right next door to my other office job. In fact, they are part of the same family. This was convenient, the same building, the same family, not so new and scary. The plan was to work this job until my other company merged and I would go to full time again.
The time came where my company was merging with a large frm out of Dallas. It all seemed like this was going to be great for the company, great for m boss and great for me. I was told for about a month that I would be getting an offer soon from the new company. I didn't get the offer until the week before, when my boss was there to finalize the merge. Their offe did not include a job description and it was lower than I was expecting. I asked my boss if the offer was negotiable, and he told me to speak with HR, which I did. I explained to HR the salary I was looking for and explained why. Mostly due to the fact that I hadn't received a raise in 5 years and he industry standard was higher than what they were offering.
The HR woman seemed to understand and she even stated that I cannot accept an offer like this without a job description. The offer expired the following day and she told me she would extend the time, send me a job description and talk to the executives about my request for a higher offer. I never heard back from her.
My boss returned fom his trip, I briefly talked to him about it and was told that there would be a conference call on Monday afternoon to determine what their new offer would be. The merge was happening the following day. My boss ad me put together an email announcement and do some other thigs to prepare for the merge. They came to me and told me they were dissolving our company and switching over to the new one. So they were going to pay me to date and pay me for my unused vacation time. Seemed like a good deal.
The call happened and I was called into my boss's office to discuss the outcome. Much to my surprise, I was fired right then and there. I was told that they decided to go a different route. I was devistated. My boss didn't seem to show any remorse whatsoever. His wife on my right was bawling here eyes out. I think for the nex hour she apologized to me 20 times and asked if there was anything she could do. In one of my not so better moments, I snapped back at her and told her, "yes, find me a new job". I went to my car to regain my composure and returned to the office to collect my belongings, the boxes were already sitting by my desk. These boxes were being used last week and when I asked about the contents the week before, I was told that we no longer needed the contents, which was bullshit, he needed to boxes to send me packing.
It's been a month since I lost that job. To this day I don't even know if I did something wrong or what to result in this. I was alwys taught to stand up for what I believe in, which is all I did. I asked to negotiate my offer and it seems as though I was fired for that. Had the told me their offer stands as is, I likely would have taken it because a full time job was better than a pat time job or no job. But they didn't do that. I am sill working part time at the family business next door. I was replaced a week later and I am still looking for full time employment. Right now I am bringing in a measly $200 a week and my husband has no income. I have about enough money to last another 3-4 weeks, which isn't long. My insurance expired yesterday too.
I'm sending out resumes, answering ads, doing all that I know I can do. I have had a few interviews, but no real job offers. I am staring to get scared..... really scared.
People tell me this all happened for a reason. That when one door closes another one opens. I hope this is true. I am not convinced of this yet since the new door hasn't opened and nothing better has happened to me. I feel like I keep sinking further and further into this crap hole situation. I can't even provide for my family and that makes me feel like a piece of shit. Stay positive they all say. I wish I could, but until I can support my family, there's going to be negetivity.
The waitress job I lost because the restaurant closed down, we were given 2 weeks notice. It was sad and sucked, but it is what it is. Not much you can do when the owners decide to close.
At the beginning of August I started a new part time job right next door to my other office job. In fact, they are part of the same family. This was convenient, the same building, the same family, not so new and scary. The plan was to work this job until my other company merged and I would go to full time again.
The time came where my company was merging with a large frm out of Dallas. It all seemed like this was going to be great for the company, great for m boss and great for me. I was told for about a month that I would be getting an offer soon from the new company. I didn't get the offer until the week before, when my boss was there to finalize the merge. Their offe did not include a job description and it was lower than I was expecting. I asked my boss if the offer was negotiable, and he told me to speak with HR, which I did. I explained to HR the salary I was looking for and explained why. Mostly due to the fact that I hadn't received a raise in 5 years and he industry standard was higher than what they were offering.
The HR woman seemed to understand and she even stated that I cannot accept an offer like this without a job description. The offer expired the following day and she told me she would extend the time, send me a job description and talk to the executives about my request for a higher offer. I never heard back from her.
My boss returned fom his trip, I briefly talked to him about it and was told that there would be a conference call on Monday afternoon to determine what their new offer would be. The merge was happening the following day. My boss ad me put together an email announcement and do some other thigs to prepare for the merge. They came to me and told me they were dissolving our company and switching over to the new one. So they were going to pay me to date and pay me for my unused vacation time. Seemed like a good deal.
The call happened and I was called into my boss's office to discuss the outcome. Much to my surprise, I was fired right then and there. I was told that they decided to go a different route. I was devistated. My boss didn't seem to show any remorse whatsoever. His wife on my right was bawling here eyes out. I think for the nex hour she apologized to me 20 times and asked if there was anything she could do. In one of my not so better moments, I snapped back at her and told her, "yes, find me a new job". I went to my car to regain my composure and returned to the office to collect my belongings, the boxes were already sitting by my desk. These boxes were being used last week and when I asked about the contents the week before, I was told that we no longer needed the contents, which was bullshit, he needed to boxes to send me packing.
It's been a month since I lost that job. To this day I don't even know if I did something wrong or what to result in this. I was alwys taught to stand up for what I believe in, which is all I did. I asked to negotiate my offer and it seems as though I was fired for that. Had the told me their offer stands as is, I likely would have taken it because a full time job was better than a pat time job or no job. But they didn't do that. I am sill working part time at the family business next door. I was replaced a week later and I am still looking for full time employment. Right now I am bringing in a measly $200 a week and my husband has no income. I have about enough money to last another 3-4 weeks, which isn't long. My insurance expired yesterday too.
I'm sending out resumes, answering ads, doing all that I know I can do. I have had a few interviews, but no real job offers. I am staring to get scared..... really scared.
People tell me this all happened for a reason. That when one door closes another one opens. I hope this is true. I am not convinced of this yet since the new door hasn't opened and nothing better has happened to me. I feel like I keep sinking further and further into this crap hole situation. I can't even provide for my family and that makes me feel like a piece of shit. Stay positive they all say. I wish I could, but until I can support my family, there's going to be negetivity.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Want to Walk a Mile in My Shoes? I'll Throw in a Broken Toe for Free
It's been a rough month. Todd passed away, so Paul had some big shoes to fill by going to a fishing tournament in his place. I support this trip 100%. It's good for Paul to get away from the daily stresses of our life here. Speaking of.... last Wednesday, I lost one of my jobs. This was the job I got to make ends meet when my full time job went part time. The restaurant I have been working for decided to close down. This was a pretty big pill to swallow. I can't even imagine what the other girls are going through. I was the new girl, even though I was there for a year and a half. A few of them have even been there since it first opened. Not only was this their job, but it was a family and a home to them.
I am keeping my chin up, despite how hard it is. Maybe this is the opportunity for something better to come along. I have not yet decided what path to take, but I am trying to find another job, whether it be an office job or another server job. This whole thing has not been easy without Paul around, but I think it's best that he's gone. Jesse is gone too. Saturday I drove to Wisconsin and came home Sunday by myself. Jesse is better off with them, he doesn't need to be around me like this. I will pick him up tomorrow.
It was incredibly strange being in my house yesterday all alone. The two biggest loves in my life were not there. I think if I weren't in this situation, I would have loved this, but I am sad, and being alone is not always good when it's accompanied by sadness.
To top it all off, last Wednesday, I also broke my toe. Well, I think that's what I did. I slammed it on the sliding glass door. I assume it's broken, but I suppose I don't know for sure. There's not much that can be done for a broken toe, so what's the point in finding out if it's actually broken or not. I just hope there's not any more damage than just being a broken pinkie toe. It has all sorts of colors. It will look pretty sweet when I have the Color Vibe 5k in 2 weeks. I know I won't be able to run, but I am still going to do the 5k, even if I have to crawl.
This kid has also become quite the little acrobat. I don't even know what to say to this.
I like to think everything happens for a reason, even though I am not quite sure what the reason is, I'm sure another door will open because of this and I can only hope it's for the better.
I had a friend say to me today, "You know what I love about you? You're a go getter. You have been through a lot since I've met you and you don't just sit in a corner and cry, you just keep moving! I <3 you.="">I love that!
I am keeping my chin up, despite how hard it is. Maybe this is the opportunity for something better to come along. I have not yet decided what path to take, but I am trying to find another job, whether it be an office job or another server job. This whole thing has not been easy without Paul around, but I think it's best that he's gone. Jesse is gone too. Saturday I drove to Wisconsin and came home Sunday by myself. Jesse is better off with them, he doesn't need to be around me like this. I will pick him up tomorrow.
It was incredibly strange being in my house yesterday all alone. The two biggest loves in my life were not there. I think if I weren't in this situation, I would have loved this, but I am sad, and being alone is not always good when it's accompanied by sadness.
To top it all off, last Wednesday, I also broke my toe. Well, I think that's what I did. I slammed it on the sliding glass door. I assume it's broken, but I suppose I don't know for sure. There's not much that can be done for a broken toe, so what's the point in finding out if it's actually broken or not. I just hope there's not any more damage than just being a broken pinkie toe. It has all sorts of colors. It will look pretty sweet when I have the Color Vibe 5k in 2 weeks. I know I won't be able to run, but I am still going to do the 5k, even if I have to crawl.
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| That would be my broken toe/foot |
Before the shit hit the fan, we were able to get the boat out on Father's Day. I was supposed to work, but they called me off. We took that opportunity to do something a boy and his father would both enjoy on Father's Day. It was Jesse's first time on our boat, he was on cloud nine!
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| Father's Day gift Jesse made at daycare. |
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| Just watching tv. |
I had a friend say to me today, "You know what I love about you? You're a go getter. You have been through a lot since I've met you and you don't just sit in a corner and cry, you just keep moving! I <3 you.="">I love that!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Catch Up
I have not been good about blogging. You'd think with all I have going on I would feel the need more, but for some reason I don't. I have been busy. Things have been hard. Once again, I've put on the happy face while I cry inside. I'm sure that's not good for me, but I can't exactly walk around crying and feeling sorry for myself.
We don't seem to have a lot of support lately. Close friends and family are no longer helping and my parents have been in Florida. When times are tough and you need help, sometimes people's true colors shine through. Things are hard enough as it is, I don't need the extra negetivity. I've made some decisions to eliminate these people from my life.
Mother's Day came and went, which meant extra work for me. I need the money, but it creates extra havoc at home. You see, Paul saw the pain management doctor recently and he's decided it's time to come off the medications. We were under the impression that you should wean off neuro meds, but apparently this doctor doesn't think so, he was cut off cold turkey. Paul's been having ups and downs and certainly withdrawls. He doesn't feel well in the head and his body is detoxing. People get this, but I don't think you can understand it until you are there, experiencing it first hand. People also forget how this effects the people around the person experiencing it too.
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| Jesse made this for me at daycare. LOVE! |
On top of this Paul was given clearance to return to work (with limitations/light duty). It's a good thing. I am not sure Paul is there (physically), but it is what it is and we have to move forward. We are waiting to hear from his employer to find out if they have a light duty position for him. If they don't, he should continue to get work comp pay and we will start the settlement process. If they do, well, I am ot really sure what will happen. Last time he was sent back to work, his back and the pain got worse.
Last week we got some very sad news. Todd died. It's not easy explaining who Todd was, but he certainly meant a lot to Paul. Todd was Paul's older brother (from another mother), his mentor, his boss, his friend. When Paul was a teenager, still in high school and misbehaving, his father wanted him to know work ethic and what it meant to work hard and have structure, so he put his son in a truck with Todd. I am not sure Paul's Dad knew what he was doing sending a 14 year old boy across the country with a 24 year old man, but it did teach Paul about life. Todd taught Paul about life. Todd was the one Paul wanted to make proud. Todd's death devistates Paul, which I am not surprised, we always seem to get kicked when we are down. But maybe in all this we will learn yet another lesson, to take better care of our bodies, because you never know when your body will fail us, like Todd's did.
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| Todd and Justin (Father and Son) |
My son is my inspiration through everything. If it weren't for him, I think we would have both given up a long time ago. We continue to do fun things with him, even if we don't feel like it or if Paul is in pain. You have to keep living, especially when a child is involved. In the past few weeks we made a trip to the zoo, saw the local air show, made some trips to the park and did some playing in our yard.
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The zoo has had these things since I was a kid. They won't last forever.
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Thursday, April 18, 2013
Running
I think the entire world is aware of what happened in Boston. No need to explain. I'm sad about it. A lot of people are, even if they were not directly effected by it. I did not know of anyone at the Boston Marathon, but the images are horrifying and I can't help but feel emotional. I think when something like this happens, an act of terrorism, I am effected more than I would be from something like a shooting, whether it be multiple victims or just one.
I commend the people who were first responders. I honesly don't know how I would react in that situation. Would I run to help or would I run away? I hope I never find out. I hope I'd be a person to run and help, but I just don't know. Fear changes things. REAL fear.
As we all know there were 3 deaths. It's amazing to me that there weren't more. But 178 people were injured. These aren't minor injuries either, many of these people lost limbs and/or had debris in them. As many as 10, 20, 30, 40 pieces of debris. It's almost unthinkable. People will remember this event as vividly as we remember 9/11. Terror does that to people.
Recently I signed up to run a 5k and I am not even a runner. I am not even in any kind of shape to run. But I was pretty much asked (indirectly) to run and I was also (indirectly) asked to be a Captain of the AmeriFace team. I am an active volunteer for AmeriFace, I am a Pathfinder Coordinator for the Chicagoland area. AmeriFace was there for me when my son Jesse was young and I had a hard time dealing with his cleft situation. Once I got myself together, I became a volunteer so I could help others like they helped me. How could I NOT volunteer for the 5k? It will help the organization I feel most passionate about and this is for my son. I will do this, I CAN do this. Since Monday's events in Boston, I feel even more passionate about doing this run. I want to run for AmeriFace, but I also want to run for the people who were in Boston and CAN'T run anymore.
Unfortunately it takes events like this to appreciate the things we have. Our freedom, our loved ones, our health, our able bodies. I may not be the healthiest person, but I can get out there and give it my all, and I plan to do so.
"The mission of AmeriFace is to provide information and emotional support to individuals with facial differences and their families and increase public understanding through awareness programs and education.
We support individuals whose facial differences are present at birth, as well as those who have acquired facial differences as a result of illness, disease or trauma, such as stroke, cancer, accident and burns."
Please join me on July 6, 2013 in the Color Vibe 5k by registering at the links below. If you don't want to run (or walk) and would like to support me, you can make a donation to the AmeriFace team by visiting this link. Team AmeriFace there's a box that says, "Team AmeriFace Color Vibe 5K"
Join Team AmeriFace at the Color Vibe 5K in Chicago-Aurora!
http://www.thecolorvibe.com/aurora.php
Register NOW at https://colorvibe.webconnex.com/aurora2013
Choose "Team AmeriFace"
Password "smile"
Charity Code 32-0085490
Be sure to let us know you've joined the team at
http://www.teamameriface.org/join.html
Then download the Sponsorship Packet at
http://www.teamameriface.org/FUNdraising.html
Thank you for your support!
I commend the people who were first responders. I honesly don't know how I would react in that situation. Would I run to help or would I run away? I hope I never find out. I hope I'd be a person to run and help, but I just don't know. Fear changes things. REAL fear.
As we all know there were 3 deaths. It's amazing to me that there weren't more. But 178 people were injured. These aren't minor injuries either, many of these people lost limbs and/or had debris in them. As many as 10, 20, 30, 40 pieces of debris. It's almost unthinkable. People will remember this event as vividly as we remember 9/11. Terror does that to people.
Recently I signed up to run a 5k and I am not even a runner. I am not even in any kind of shape to run. But I was pretty much asked (indirectly) to run and I was also (indirectly) asked to be a Captain of the AmeriFace team. I am an active volunteer for AmeriFace, I am a Pathfinder Coordinator for the Chicagoland area. AmeriFace was there for me when my son Jesse was young and I had a hard time dealing with his cleft situation. Once I got myself together, I became a volunteer so I could help others like they helped me. How could I NOT volunteer for the 5k? It will help the organization I feel most passionate about and this is for my son. I will do this, I CAN do this. Since Monday's events in Boston, I feel even more passionate about doing this run. I want to run for AmeriFace, but I also want to run for the people who were in Boston and CAN'T run anymore.
Unfortunately it takes events like this to appreciate the things we have. Our freedom, our loved ones, our health, our able bodies. I may not be the healthiest person, but I can get out there and give it my all, and I plan to do so.
We support individuals whose facial differences are present at birth, as well as those who have acquired facial differences as a result of illness, disease or trauma, such as stroke, cancer, accident and burns."
Please join me on July 6, 2013 in the Color Vibe 5k by registering at the links below. If you don't want to run (or walk) and would like to support me, you can make a donation to the AmeriFace team by visiting this link. Team AmeriFace there's a box that says, "Team AmeriFace Color Vibe 5K"
Join Team AmeriFace at the Color Vibe 5K in Chicago-Aurora!
http://www.thecolorvibe.com/aurora.php
Register NOW at https://colorvibe.webconnex.com/aurora2013
Choose "Team AmeriFace"
Password "smile"
Charity Code 32-0085490
Be sure to let us know you've joined the team at
http://www.teamameriface.org/join.html
Then download the Sponsorship Packet at
http://www.teamameriface.org/FUNdraising.html
Thank you for your support!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
He's Three!?
Although Jesse doesn't want to admit it, he's 3 now. He still proclaims, "I'm 2!" When did my baby turn into a little boy?
We've been busy. We had my niece and nephew's birthday the week before Jesse's. Then his birthday. We planned a party at our house for immediate family and a few close friends. Jesse had an ear infection a few days before, so I got him on anti-biotics to clear it up as soon as possible. It worked, but the day of his party he started coughing. I thought it was related to the ear infection drainage, but it wasn't. He was sick. Sick for his own birthday party. He was ok the first couple hours, then he was passed out sick on the couch. He missed cake and present opening. When he woke up, we let him open presents, but by then almost everyone was gone.
Since his birthday was the following day, Easter, we decided we would celebrate then. I was supposed to work at the restaurant in the morning, but the head server called me at 9am and asked me if I wanted the day off (she knew it was his birthday). Even though I needed the money, I took the offer and stayed home with my baby on his birthday. We let him play with new toys. The weather was nice so we spent time outside. We had a few friends over and celebrated again, this time there was cake.
One thing that Jesse's always had issues with, due to his clefts, are sucking and blowing. He started sucking shortly after his palate surgery just before his 1st birthday. Since then we have been working on blowing. We have used bubbles, cotton balls, whistles, straws, etc. There are many techniques used in helping a child blow. This year it was very important to me to watch my son blow the candles out on his birthday cake. I didn't even want to practice with candles because I wanted it to be special, for me and for him.
We've been busy. We had my niece and nephew's birthday the week before Jesse's. Then his birthday. We planned a party at our house for immediate family and a few close friends. Jesse had an ear infection a few days before, so I got him on anti-biotics to clear it up as soon as possible. It worked, but the day of his party he started coughing. I thought it was related to the ear infection drainage, but it wasn't. He was sick. Sick for his own birthday party. He was ok the first couple hours, then he was passed out sick on the couch. He missed cake and present opening. When he woke up, we let him open presents, but by then almost everyone was gone.
Since his birthday was the following day, Easter, we decided we would celebrate then. I was supposed to work at the restaurant in the morning, but the head server called me at 9am and asked me if I wanted the day off (she knew it was his birthday). Even though I needed the money, I took the offer and stayed home with my baby on his birthday. We let him play with new toys. The weather was nice so we spent time outside. We had a few friends over and celebrated again, this time there was cake.
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| Bubble Blower, an Easter gift |
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| Loved his new Big Wheels |
One thing that Jesse's always had issues with, due to his clefts, are sucking and blowing. He started sucking shortly after his palate surgery just before his 1st birthday. Since then we have been working on blowing. We have used bubbles, cotton balls, whistles, straws, etc. There are many techniques used in helping a child blow. This year it was very important to me to watch my son blow the candles out on his birthday cake. I didn't even want to practice with candles because I wanted it to be special, for me and for him.
We sang "Happy Birthday", his face lit up with joy. I had my camera ready for all the necessary birthday cake shots, then the moment of truth came and he did it! Blew each candle out one by one, but he BLEW! Most mothers wouldn't be proud of such a task, but to a cleft mom, it meant the world!
A funny thing happened a few days later. Jesse had gone to bed and we had a ton of leftover cake (as we were expecting to serve it to 15+ people). He had come out of his room and popped around the corner to the kitchen, saw his cake and asked, "Is it my birthday again?" I was so sweet and innocent.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Post-Op Post
It's been a rough week, Paul had the stimulator surgery last Tuesday and it was a success. There was a snow storm coming but that wasn't going to stop us. The hospital was only the next town over. In anticipation of the storm, Paul's parents picked up Jesse Monday night and were keeping him until Wednesday. That was a huge weight off my shoulders. Knowing he would be taken care of and I didn't have to worry about anything with him. Last time Paul had surgery, my family was able to help.
Surgery was a success and I can see him in about 45 minutes after he wakes in recovery. Deep breaths. It's going to be ok. I head back out to the car (the only real place to get some privacy at this point), call his parents and make the appropriate texts and updates that surgery was a success. That 45 minutes turned into an hour and a half, but that's ok, I knew he was safe.
I walk into recovery and he's there with the representative from the stimulator company. She was programming it. She briefly told me how to use it, but my mind was already so drained, that I didn't retain much. Then we headed to a room and got him settled.
We arrived before dawn, and strangely the storm that was supposed to start at 3am, was delayed. So we got there without issue. It was a standard pre-surgical morning. I have been through this process 5 times at this hospital, so I have the drill down. I don't need the instructions to follow the Orange X and I know I am going to see the overly nice volunteer guy when I get to the end of the Orange X's. He checks you in, gives you the Patient ID Number, takes down my name and cell phone number for emergency and so they can tell me when I can see him. Then they take us back so they can do his vitals, get him in a gown, start the IV, etc. When they wheel him off to surgery, he goes in one direction and I in the other direction, back to the waiting room where I see the overly nice volunteer guy again and wait.
I hate the wait. I always go back out to my car. If any thing's going to go wrong, I assume it won't go wrong in that first hour. I'm probably wrong, but that's what I do. I sit, reflect, send out texts to the appropriate people and tell them he's in surgery. I usually eat something before my stomach will no longer accept food, then head back to the waiting room. After a few hours I am met by a young man in his blue scrubs. This time he sat down next to me instead of taking me into the dreaded Panic Room. The Panic room is that room on the side of the waiting area where the doctor talks to you. This room is usually for when they tell you bad news or something private that they won't tell you in front of the other people waiting for their loved ones. I've been in this room before, it's small and comfortable, but is sound proof and has no windows. I met with Jesse's doctor in this room after surgery, not because anything was wrong, but because he was an infant and hospitals usually take privacy much more seriously with children. I was relieved when the doctor sat next to me. No Panic Room = Good News.
Surgery was a success and I can see him in about 45 minutes after he wakes in recovery. Deep breaths. It's going to be ok. I head back out to the car (the only real place to get some privacy at this point), call his parents and make the appropriate texts and updates that surgery was a success. That 45 minutes turned into an hour and a half, but that's ok, I knew he was safe.
I walk into recovery and he's there with the representative from the stimulator company. She was programming it. She briefly told me how to use it, but my mind was already so drained, that I didn't retain much. Then we headed to a room and got him settled.
My view from his room.
After a few hours of watching him and the snow accumulate out the window, I decided I need a break, lunch and to run home before it got too bad out there. It was about 2:30pm and it had been snowing for hours, but I could still see the traffic moving on the clear busy road below. The news said the snow would be the worst during rush hour, so I took the opportunity to go. I hit a drive-thu for lunch and headed home. I ate, shoveled some pathways, let the dog out and packed a bag in case I was in for the long haul. I headed back around 4 and stayed until 11:30pm. The snow was starting to come down heavy, I made it back just before the roads got bad.
My buried car
The front of the hospital, about 9pm
When I returned, Paul had already been up and walking once, he got an appetite back and was on the road to recovery. The first night's never easy. I hate just sitting there, watching my best friend and the father of my son sit there in pain. You would think it would get easier when you've done it before, but it doesn't. It may even be harder because it brings up memories of the past. I didn't even want to leave him, but I knew I needed a break from all of it. I went home for the night and was greeted by an excited pup who was dying for a run in the snow. So I geared up and tried to shovel some more. It was thick and heavy. I think the official count was 7-9 inches of snow. Not THAT bad, but the biggest snow we've had this season. I slept a few hours and headed back to the hospital. Of course I missed the stimulator tech and only caught the tail end of the surgeon's visit. He was released to go home.
It was easier for both of us to relax at home, but Paul was definitely experiencing a lot of discomfort. I've been doing my best to keep him comfortable. Playing, nurse, wife and mother is not easy, but not impossible. I picked up Jesse Wednesday afternoon. He doesn't understand, except that Daddy has owies on his back. Finally, yesterday he seemed to be better. Good enough to be out of bed for more than 15 minutes and getting his personality back. The hardest part is over and we can start looking into the future again.
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